


I Want You to Know

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Drama, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-11-15
Updated: 2003-11-15
Packaged: 2018-12-27 15:06:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 35,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12083571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian and Justin start over after a startling declaration from Brian.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

The dance floor at Babylon is crowded with sweaty half naked men, as is usual on a Saturday night in the Pitts. So why am I all alone out here? Why can't I just find someone, anyone to take my mind off of him? Why do I keep watching the door to see if he's going to walk in here and take away the pain? Why the fuck do I need him so bad? I let him go. I LET him go. Fuck I pushed him out the fucking door into that kid's arms. 

 

He wanted romance, he wanted love. I told him time and time again that I could not give him that. Why did he need it so bad? Why couldn't he just take what I offered and be happy? Didn't he see I was willing to give him everything? Didn't he see how much of myself I gave him? Didn't it matter to him at all that I loved him? 

 

I saunter to the bar and order a double Beam, cruising the blonde leaning against the rail of the catwalk, when he walks in. I feel like I'm in some crazy 1950s movie, everything slows down as I watch him cross the room. Our eyes meet and our gazes lock. He moves through the crowd as if he's drawn to me. I hold my breath waiting for him to be near me, close enough to touch, to kiss. Its only when he gets next to me that I realize he isn't alone. I turn away from him, not able to stand the sight of him with another. I feel my lunch threaten to revisit me and move away. Drink in hand I take my spot on the dance floor between two very hot men and begin to all but fuck them there on the floor. I want him to see, I want him to miss me, as much as I miss him. I want him to forget all about that fiddle player, to come out here and place his claim on me like he did that first night he came to Babylon. 

 

Why can't I just forget him? Why can't I just move on? Why the hell do I need him so much? FUCK! I gotta get out of here. I need to be as far away from Justin as possible. I stumble towards the door in a drugged haze, as I hit the street the cold air knocks me to my knees and I laugh uncontrollably at myself and what I have become. 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

"You can't just let him leave in that condition, Justin." 

 

"He's not my responsibility, Michael." 

 

"Yeah, he is, since you're the reason he's like this. Get your ass out there and make sure he makes it home alive." 

 

"Fuck off. Brian is old enough to get home by himself." Ethan grabs Justin's arm and starts to pull him away, but Justin pulls back from him. 

 

"Ethan, stay out of this. Michael's right I can't just leave him out there alone. He wouldn't leave me like this. I'll be home soon. Go on and have me a drink ready when I get there." 

 

Justin walks away without a glance back and steps outside just in time to see Brian fall to his knees. Running to him he helps him to his feet and heads for the jeep. 

 

"Brian, where are your keys? BRIAN? Damnit," he exclaims as he starts to dig in Brian's pants pockets looking for his keys. He could feel Brian harden as his hand brushed against his thigh and groin and he tried hard not to think of fucking him tonight. 

 

"HEY SUNSHINE, when did you get here?" 

 

"Brian, I'm taking you home, cooperate please." Justin struggled to keep his balance with Brian leaning on him for support. Just as they reached the jeep, his foot slipped on a patch of ice and they both hit the pavement hard. Brian smiled down at him and laughed before kissing him. Justin’s mind fought the kiss but his body responded with passion. He could feel the heat spread through his body as Brian's lips and tongue caressed his own. His body responded to every caress Brian offered, and eventually his mind gave up the fight. 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Somehow I ended up on top of Justin, don't ask me how I managed it. I just couldn't stop myself, I had to have him, had to kiss him. Looking into those sparkling blue eyes, and his full luscious mouth, I couldn't stop myself from kissing , it felt like home to me. His body pressed against mine, his skin soft beneath my hands, longing to touch him in ways only a lover knows. His moans only fueled the fire burning deep inside of me. I ripped at his shirt in my haste to feel his skin next to mine. Breaking the kiss to take a taunt brown nipple into my mouth, hearing him whisper my name and I fell over the edge of my self-control and gave into my desire to have him one last time. 

 

When he didn't resist I pressed forward, boldly unzipping his pants, my hand on his throbbing dick, already slick with precum . He fit perfectly, just as I remembered, better than I remembered. I was lost in the feel of him when I felt him pull away. Cold settled in to the places his warmth had been just moments before and it made me shiver. Looking down at him, I could still see the desire in his eyes and raised an eyebrow questioningly, waiting for him to tell me why he pulled away. 

 

As he stood he offered me his hand, and when we touched the electricity was indescribable. "Not here." was all he said as he helped me into the jeep and drove us home in silence. There was so much I wanted to say to Justin, but I didn't want this magic to end. I just wanted him for one more night and then I could live on that for the rest of eternity, if I had to. Watching the various emotions cross his face as he debated his decision of being here with me. I could see the fear play across his features, followed by the love , love I knew we both still shared. 

 

He pulled up in front of my building and I knew he was fighting the urge to turn and run; from what he knew was going to happen if he stayed. Stepping out of the jeep, I slammed the door shut behind me and walked ahead; giving him the chance to leave if he wanted. I felt him press against me as I punched in the security code to open the door. Both of us acted as if we were afraid to touch each other for fear we would not make it to the loft in time. When I fumbled with the keys, Justin impatiently took them from me and pulled the door open. He stepped inside and I leaned against the door watching him in our home. He turned to look at me and laughingly said, "Are you coming or going, or coming and then going, or coming and then staying?" 

 

"I fucked myself with that last one didn't I?" I crossed the room, closing the distance between us until I was nose to nose with him. 

 

"You sure did, you gave me the chance to stay." 

 

"I'm glad you did." 

 

"Brian, I miss you." 

 

As we kissed Justin gave in to his own desire and unbuttoned my pants, taking my cock into his fist and stroking it. Closing my eyes and throwing my head back, a loud moan escaped before I picked him up and raced up the stairs two at time. Entering the the bedroom, I unceremoniously dropped him on the bed and quickly stepped out of my pants, watching as Justin removed his. His dick was hard and I craved the taste of him as he dripped precum. Taking the length of him into my mouth, I licked and sucked my lover til he came. Running my tongue over my lips, I drank in every last drop of his salty sweet juices. 

 

Justin pulled me to him, kissing me, running his tongue over my lips to taste his own essence. As our kiss deepened and I could feel the stirrings of another hard on for my blonde lover, I wanted him like no other man I have ever wanted or needed. Rolling him over so that he lay on top of me, I reached for the condom I always keep near the bed. Ripping it open with my teeth, rolling it over Justin's dick, I ignored the surprise in his eyes. Rolling onto my stomach, I held my breath; waiting for him to fill me with thickness. As he pushed into me, I gave myself over to the feelings only he could give me. Thrusting deep inside me, I could no longer fight the desire to tell him how I feel. "I want you to know....." I moaned. 

 

"Know what, Brian?" he asked breathlessly. 

 

Reaching the peaks of heaven, I whispered softly to him, "I want you to know that I love you Justin. I love you."


	2. I Want You to Know

I awoke with the sun in my eyes and my head feeling like it had been run over by a tank, the events of the previous night flood my consciousness as I see his clothes scattered across the floor. Turning over to watch him sleep, nostalgia rushes in as I realize that this morning is much like I have been used to. Only this time is different, this time he isn't MY boyfriend, his heart now belongs to another. Shaking off the sleep that clouds my mind I think back over what happened here only a few short hours ago and smile to myself, remembering how good it felt to have him inside me again; just like old times. 

 

Watching him stretch awake, I brace myself for what must be done. As much as it will hurt I know it must be done. I don't want him back this way. I want him to come back on his own; not because of what I said, so I'll just feign ignorance of the words as if I don't remember saying them. And when he's gone again, then I'll let myself feel. 

 

"Brian,mmmm, morning," he says sleepily turning over to smile at me. That smile will be my downfall one day. I wonder if he knows how much it affects me? 

 

"Shouldn't you be getting home to your *boyfriend*? I'll bet he's worried about you." Steeling myself against the feelings that come rushing back to me as the hurt rushes into his eyes. I can see him remembering what I said, and now he thinks I only said it to get him into bed, to hurt him. I wanted to tell him how much I meant those words and I wish I wasn't the reason he looked so sad all of a sudden. 

 

"Yeah, I guess I should." Watching him gather his things, it is not an easy task to fight back the desire to go to him, to ask him to stay, and to tell him I love him once again. As he turns to look at me one last time, I turn and look away, terrified he will read my thoughts. The click of the door behind him, tells me that another chapter of our lives is closing. 

 

"I love you," I whisper, even though he is gone, gone from my bed, from my life, and from me; perhaps forever. 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Justin walked into the apartment he shared with Ethan as quietly as he could, hoping that his lover would still be asleep. When he sees him sitting on the couch, waiting, a short sigh escapes his lips and Justin braces himself for what was about to happen. 

 

"Just tell me, were you with him?" Ethan asked the blonde, knowing the answer before the question was even asked. 

 

Justin looked at him sitting there, two glasses and half filled bottle of whiskey on the table, and smiled apologetically. Without saying a word, he walked past his obviously angry lover towards the bathroom. Turning on the shower, he heard Ethan come in behind him. 

 

"Tell me Justin, you owe me that much. Did you fuck him?" 

 

"Yes, I did," he turned to look his lover in the eye ready to face his anger. "I didn't plan it, I even tried to stop it, but I just couldn't. I wanted him Ethan, more than I didn't want to hurt you. I can't explain it and saying I'm sorry won't make you feel any better, all I can do is be honest with you. I love you Ethan, but the feelings aren't the same when I'm with him. I can't explain it, there are no words. All I can tell you is that when I'm with him it's heaven on earth and when we're apart all I can think about is when I'll be with him again. When he pulls me close and holds me tight I feel safer than I do anywhere else. There is no better feeling in the world than to love Brian Kinney expect maybe to be loved by him. No matter how hard I try, I can't stop loving him. Maybe it isn't what's best for me and maybe I should just give up on the two of us but I can't. Ethan I'm sorry, I tried to love you the way I love him, I really did. But you aren't him. You can never take his place, no matter how long we're together, I'll always be thinking of Brian. When I close my eyes, it's his face I see, His lips are the ones kissing me and it's his body next to me. I open my eyes and it's you that is laying beside me, and it's disappointment and regret that I feel. 

 

"I can't believe you Justin. I can't believe you let him suck you back into that sick twisted life of his. He never loved you and he never will. Go ahead and throw away the one good thing in your life for a dream, but just remember when he breaks your heart again, I won't be around this time to pick up the pieces. Go back to him, back to the man you think you love." 

 

"Whether you believe me or not Ethan I never wanted to hurt you. I do love you, but I love Brian more. You deserve better than to be second best. I'll be out of here in an hour." 

 

"Whatever. Just go, just go back to HIM." 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

An incessant pounding on the door, made me aware I was still lying in bed, curled up in the spot Justin has just vacated. Pulling myself out of bed, I open the door to find Mikey standing there, moving aside I let him in without a word. 

 

"Nice to see you too asshole." 

 

"Fuck you Mikey. What do you want?" 

 

"To make sure you're alive. And to make sure you didn't do anything stupid." 

 

"Too late." 

 

"Well you aren't dead, so I'll assume you did something stupid. What did you do?" 

 

"I fucked him, or more to the point I let him fuck me. AGAIN." 

 

"YOU WHAT?" 

 

"It gets worse, then I told him I loved him." 

 

"YOU WHAT?" 

 

"Shut the fuck up. I'm not done yet. I sent him back to his boyfriend this morning." 

 

"Are you fucking stupid? You tell him you love him, and. . . Wait. Did you really mean it or was it just to get him into bed? Then you sent him home to the boyfriend? Who the fuck are you?" 

 

I look down and smile evilly back at him, "Well I'm still 10 inches cut so I guess that makes me Brian Kinney. YES I meant it, and I had already blown him at that point so what would be the use of saying it once he's naked?" 

 

"Ok let me get this straight here, 'cause well, I'm confused. First you let him fuck YOU, then you tell him you love him, THEN you send him home to Ethan? Have you lost your fucking mind? Why did you send him back?" 

 

Michael was looking at me like I had antennas growing out of my ass and all I could do was laugh. "I sent him home because that's where he belongs." 

 

"He belongs here with you, Brian. He loves you, can't you see that?" 

 

"Yeah, I know he does, and I love him too, but I can't do this again." 

 

"Do what again? Be happy?" 

 

"No, I just can't take the chance that he'll leave again. I can't learn to live without him all over again. I'd rather never have him back then face losing him again." 

 

"Brian, the boy loves you, and you love him, isn't that enough? Let yourself be happy for once, go find him and tell him you love him again, and then bring him home." 

 

I stood shaking my head at the idea of going and looking for Justin. I knew where he was and I had no desire to be anywhere near where him and his lover. Sinking down onto my chaise, I looked at Mikey and smiled sadly. No words were needed, he knew that I wouldn't go, and I knew that Justin wouldn't come back, even after last night. 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Lugging his duffle bag and boxes into his mom's apartment, Justin explained what happened. 

 

"Mom, Can I leave this stuff here for a few days? Just until I find a place to stay." 

 

"What? I thought you were living with Ethan?" 

 

"I was until last night happened." 

 

"OH NO. What happened? Or should I ask who?" 

 

"You know, Mom. I was with Brian last night. I didn't plan it and neither did he, it just happened. I'm glad it did, he finally admitted he loves me. Only I don't think he remembers saying it." 

 

"Oh, honey. What do you plan to do now?" 

 

"Get him back." 

 

"Well, you are welcome to stay here, honey, but there are rules." 

 

"And rule number one is 'don't see Brian Kinney' right?" 

 

"No, honey, rule number one is 'get your ass out there and make him remember telling you'. Just be careful Justin, I don't want your heartbroken again." 

 

"Thanks Mom," Justin pressed a kiss to her cheek and opened the door, turning back to add, " Mom, I plan to do just that. Thanks for understanding." 

 

Justin walked into the comic book store finding Michael engrossed in the latest X-Men. "Hey Michael, are you busy?" 

 

"Not really." 

 

"Cool. Um, I had an idea for RAGE." 

 

"So spill it." 

 

"Okay. Maybe Rage takes JT back to his lair and lets him fuck him, which in the process, transfers some of Rage's powers to JT. Mainly the mind control power, which JT uses to convince Rage that he loves him." 

 

"Sounds familiar. It could work." 

 

"Okay, so when should we start work on it?" 

 

"Anytime after you go talk to Brian." 

 

"Why would I want to talk to Brian?" 

 

"Don't be coy with me. I know everything, and you need to go talk to him NOW. Just be gentle, this is all new for him." 

 

"Thanks Michael." 

 

"I'll see you tonight." 

 

Justin practically ran the six blocks to Brian's loft and took the stairs two at a time not wanting to wait on the elevator. He stood knocking loudly for a few minutes before sliding the door open to find Brian asleep on the couch. Sitting on the floor next to him, Justin laid his head on Brian's chest and watched him sleep. 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

I awoke to find him sitting there on the floor watching me. He smiled that unnerving smile and I kissed the top of his head before I could stop myself. 

 

"What are you doing here?" 

 

"I missed you." 

 

"Funny, I was just thinking the same thing. But seriously why are you here? Shouldn't you be home with Ian?" 

 

"No, I'm not with *Ian* anymore." 

 

"OH," was all I could manage. He was watching me trying to gage my reaction, which I was desperately trying to hide. Stretching, I broke the contact between us and stood to look down at him. He looked so beautiful sitting there, I had to get away, not sure if I could trust myself not to profess my love for him again. I walked to the window and stared out at the rain that had started to fall. 

 

"Brian, don't do that." I could hear the pleading in his voice. 

 

"Do what?" 

 

"Shut me out. I love you Brian." 

 

I stood silently waiting for him to take it back again. After what felt like hours, he stood behind me with his arms around my waist. 

 

"Did you hear me? I said I love you Brian." 

 

"I heard you." 

 

"Is that all you have to say? Why are you shutting me out again? Why can't you just be honest with yourself and with me? That's all I ever asked from you." 

 

"I've always been honest with you Justin. I told you from the beginning not to expect anything from me, because I'm not capable of giving you what you want. You had someone who was willing to give you the love you so desperately needed." 

 

"Yes, I did, there was only one problem with that, he wasn't you. No matter how hard he tried, or how much he loved me, he could never take your place. I could never love him the way I love you." 

 

"Justin stop. I can't do this, not now." I turned and pushed him away from me, walking towards the kitchen for a drink. He grabbed my arm, stopping me, I turned back to look at him, he stood there looking hopeful. I just couldn't break his heart again, not when he looked at me like, with such love and devotion in his eyes. Closing my eyes, I gave in. 

 

"God, don't you know what you mean to me? I love you Justin. I love you so much and that scares the hell out of me. I can't risk you leaving, or having to learn to live without you again, it would kill me." 

 

"Brian, you don't have to be scared of loving me. I love you back. I always have, and as for me leaving you again, just try to get rid of me. I'm not going anywhere. Even when I wasn't here my heart was, I was always with you Brian. I love you." 

 

I crushed him to me and claimed his mouth with mine, my mind reeling from what I knew I had to do next.


	3. I Want You to Know

The kiss deepened as I grabbed the back of his head and pulled him to me, trying my best to be one with him, before I broke his heart. Not that I didn't love him, because God knows I do. Maybe I love him too much, or maybe not enough, or maybe I'm just scared to let myself love him. I wanted him so bad, wanted to be next to him, part of him, anything I could get at this point. I broke the kiss and moved away from him again, trying to calm myself down before I just caved and gave into my desire to be with him forever. "No!" 

 

"Brian," he sounded desperate, and determined. 

 

"NO Justin, not again. I won't do it again. I won't let myself love you." 

 

"Won't let yourself? Do you think that love is something you can control? It's beyond your control Brian, you already love me, you even admitted it more than once. YOU LOVE ME. And I LOVE YOU. There’s no turning back now” 

 

"I can't." 

 

"And why not? What's stopping you?" 

 

"Me! I can't take the chance that you'll leave again, or that I may have to learn to live without you all over. It's just too damn hard." 

 

"I'm not going anywhere Brian. You're stuck with me, so get used to it. But to prove it to you, I'll make you a deal." 

 

"What kinda deal? And what makes you think this is a negotiation?" 

 

"You just asked me what kind of deal, didn't you? So see you're open to trying, just give me the chance to prove to you that I'm forever." 

 

"Ok, so what's the deal?" 

 

"We date, we start over, at the beginning and when we're ready we'll take the next step. I love you, I'm willing to wait forever for you." 

 

"And if I say no?" 

 

"If you were going to say no you'd have said it by now and I wouldn't still be standing here. You want this as much as I do Brian; just admit it." 

 

"You drive a hard bargain Mr. Taylor. You're on. But you have one month to make me believe in love, one month, and no more." 

 

"That should be easy, you already believe in love, you just don't know it yet. One month, Brian. One month and it's you and me forever." 

 

He kissed me softly before grabbing his jacket and heading out the door. Stopping, he turned and smiled at me, "See you tonight. Around 7?" 

 

"Yeah, where should I pick you up?" 

 

"Meet me at the diner, I get off at 6:30. See you then, I love you," he called over his shoulder before shutting the door softly behind him. 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Justin could hardly concentrate on what he was doing and it was only after he spilled water all over Emmett that Debbie questioned him. "Sunshine, what the fuck is wrong with you today?" 

 

"Nothing, Deb, I have a date." 

 

"A date? With who?" Emmett asked instantly intrigued. Justin and Michael exchanged glances and explained to Emmett that his date was with Brian. 

 

"Brian? Our Brian? On a date? Are you sure you understood him right sweetie?" 

 

"He understood me," Brian smirked sliding into the booth next to Michael and pressing a light kiss to Justin's lips. "Hey, Sunshine." 

 

"Hey yourself, handsome. Coffee? I still have a half an hour before my shift is over, can you wait?" 

 

"For you? Yeah I think I can wait for you, and coffee would be great, but can you serve it up with a side of blonde?" 

 

Debbie heard Brian's comments and yelled over the counter, "Hey Sunshine, you can take off early, we'll be fine." 

 

"Debbie, are you sure, I can stay, Brian said he'd wait." 

 

"Sunshine, you don't make a man like that wait, get your cute little bubble butt outta here, I'll get Mr. Kinney's coffee." 

 

"Thanks, Deb," Justin said pressing a kiss to her cheek. Taking off his apron, he headed to the back to change and decided he needed a shower. After grabbing his bag he slid into the booth next to Brian and kissed him hard. 

 

"Can we swing by the loft first so I can shower and change?" 

 

"Um, sure or I could take you home to change." 

 

"No, I'm not sure where I'm staying yet, so if I could just use your shower, I should be fine." 

 

"What do you mean you don't know where you're staying yet?" 

 

"Well I didn't think that Ethan would like me staying there if I¹m with you, my mom doesn't have room for me, and Daphne just got a new roommate, so right now I'm looking." 

 

"No you aren't, you can stay with me." 

 

"No, Brian I can't. I need to do this for me, ok? Besides we're starting over remember?" 

 

"As I recall the last time we started you lived with me, so why should this time around be any different?" 

 

"Because I said so. I want to do this right Brian." 

 

"If I could interrupt here," both men turned to look at Ben who continued, "I have an extra room, if you need a place to stay Justin, the rent is covered, all you would need to pay for is your food and whatever it is you require to be beautiful for Brian." 

 

"Thanks Ben, that would be great. Is it ok if I move my stuff in tomorrow?" 

 

"How much do you have?" 

 

"Don't worry Ben, he doesn't have a lot of stuff, just his expensive taste and his art." Brian teased. 

 

Justin smacked him playfully before answering Ben, "He's right I don't have much, just my clothes and my art supplies. Oh and my computer and stereo." 

 

"Fine, I'll have a key made and leave it here with Debbie, so you can pick it up tonight on your way home. And Justin, just don't make a lot of noise ok." 

 

"No problem, thanks again, Ben." Turning to Brian he smiled beautifully at him, "Ready?" 

 

"Yeah, let's go," grabbing Justin by the hand Brian pulled him to his feet, and kissing him hard before heading out the door. “Later,” he called back over his shoulder. 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

I sat on the couch listening to him in the shower, trying to stop myself from going upstairs and fucking him the way he deserved to be fucked. Doesn't he know that he should never be alone in my shower? Fuck this is going to be harder than I thought, but I have to do it right, I have to show him I'm at least trying. When I hear the shower turn off, I wait a few minutes to give him time to dress before I head up the stairs. Just as I reach the top of the stairs he drops his towel and my self-control is shot to hell again. 

 

"Fuck." 

 

"Brian," he gasps in surprise, grabbing for the towel. I grab his hand to stop him, caressing every inch of him with my eyes. He meets my gaze and licks his lips absentmindedly. I lean in to kiss him, running my tongue over the same path his just took. Running my hands down his back until I reach his nice round ass, gently squeezing the cheeks, pulling him closer to me as I do. He moans into the kiss, I'm lost, I want every inch of him, pulling back at the last second, ravaging him with my eyes, "Fuck, Justin, I'm sorry. Get dressed, baby, we have reservations and we're already running late." 

 

I leave him standing there staring after me not believing what has happened, shaking his head, still naked with a hard on. I pace in front of the windows listening to him dress just a few feet from me, it's almost too much having him here in my loft again and not being able to take him in my arms. I'm still pacing when he comes downstairs dressed in a sky blue sweater and white chinos, hair still damp from the shower. I catch my breath at the sight of him and let out a low appreciative whistle. Justin laughs softly while I help him on with his jacket and we leave for our first date. 

 

As the maitre¹d leads us to our table I notice how intimate the restaurant is. Perfect for our first date together. I order a bottle of Merlot and an appetizer of crab stuffed mushrooms, knowing they are Justin's favorite. When he smiles that gorgeous smile at me, I feel like a teenager again, on my first date. 

 

Waiting for the appetizer, I gaze him at while he studies the menu, my mind only on wanting him, not food. When the waiter returns with our wine, Justin orders his favorite dish of blackened Mahi Mahi with Portabella mushrooms and garlic mashed potatoes. Quickly scanning the menu I order the swordfish with asparagus and wild rice. 

 

As we wait for our dinner, Justin tells me how his classes are going and the new project he is working on. I sit listening intently, completely unaware of the stares we're receiving as I hold his hand and kiss it softly. I was still holding his hand when our dinner finally arrived. I watch him eat, thinking that his appetite was even more enormous than I remembered, so engrossed I barely touched my own food. It was only when Justin reached across the table and fed me a bite of my swordfish that I even tasted it. 

 

"Brian, you should eat before it gets cold, you know how you hate cold fish." 

 

"Sorry, I was just enjoying the view." 

 

"You and half the damn restaurant." 

 

I turn to see what he’s talking about, only to find myself the center of attention. Having a little fun I lean across the table and kiss him passionately. Justin laughs when we finally part and takes another long sip of wine before leaning across the table himself to kiss me. "What was that for?" 

 

"Just for making this such a nice date. Thank you Brian." 

 

"You don't have to thank me Justin, it's my pleasure. I didn't know how much fun dating could be." 

 

"It ain't over yet, baby." 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

When dinner was over the men went back to the loft after renting some videos. They settled in to watch Gone with the Wind, Justin's all time favorite movie, and one Brian had never seen. Justin was sitting with Brian's head in his lap when Rhett Butler entered Scarlett's life and Brian sat up. Justin giggled and Brian shot him  
a dirty look. "SHHH. I'm trying to concentrate on the hot man." 

 

"You are so fucking funny, Brian Kinney, all it takes is one hot man and all of a sudden you like a movie you were bitching at me five minutes ago for renting." 

 

"Well maybe if you had told me that the absolutely most beautiful man was in it, I wouldn't have bitched. Next time all you have to say is that there is a very hot man in it and I'll shut the hell up." 

 

"I'll shut you up," Justin teased and pushed his lover back on the couch, straddling and kissing him. It was all Brian could do to stop himself from fucking him right there, but he wanted to do this right, so after a few minutes of heavy kissing he pushed Justin off of him. 

 

"Ok time to stop now before it goes too far." 

 

"It can never go TOO FAR." 

 

"Sunshine, you aren't playing fair now. I want to do this right this time. I don't want it to be all about sex, I want to take it slow. When we make love for the first time again I want it to be special, something you'll always remember." 

 

"I remember every second of our first time Brian. I remember how you felt, how you tasted, how you made me feel like the only man in the world you wanted to be with. MMMMMM, boy do I remember that night. I remember every night we were together." 

 

"I love you." 

 

"I still can't believe you're saying that to me. I love you too Brian, more than anything.” 

 

"I know, and it's that love that has given me the courage to open my heart to you. Justin, without you my life means absolutely nothing, I owe you so much." 

 

"No you don't. All I did was love you. You always had it in you, you just needed a little help finding it." 

 

"And that was the best thing you could have ever done." 

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

I awoke a stiff neck, trying to remember why I'm was sleeping on the couch. It was only when I heard his light snoring, that I remembered that Justin spent the night, in my bed, ALONE. Damn what was wrong with me? I had a beautiful man in my bed and I'm on the couch? I got up and folded the blanket and sheet, putting them in a pile on the coffee table and picked up his jacket, putting it to my nose, breathing in the scent of him. My senses were overloaded with the hint of citrus and that damn Polo Blue cologne he insisted on wearing when he saw that Leonardo DiCaprio was in the ad. I¹ve missed that scent, and I've missed him. Standing there holding his jacket, he comes down the stairs rubbing the sleep from his eyes. I smile at the idea of having him in my loft again, just like old times. I hadn't realized I said it out loud until he corrects me. 

 

"Nope, not like old times at all." 

 

"What?" 

 

"You said 'just like old times' and I said no, because this time, I woke up alone, and unsatisfied." 

 

"Very funny Sunshine, you're the one who wanted to do this right. Not my fault you're so damn convincing." After a breakfast of scrambled eggs and bacon, which he cooked of course, we made plans to meet up for lunch and an afternoon at the park with Gus. After Justin left I showered and dressed in jeans and a black t-shirt, prepared for a casual day with my two favorite boys. Picking Justin up at Ben's around noon, we drove the short distance to pick up Gus from the munchers. 

 

Melanie opened the door, acting as though she had just invited Satan into her home, handing Gus over to us with strict instructions not to feed him too much junk. Once I swore on my dick that I wouldn't fill him full of sweets, we agreed that Gus would be returned around 7:30 that evening. Justin buckled Gus into his car seat and popped in a Barney tape, at which I rolled my eyes, and covered my ears. "Must we listen to purple dinosaurs?" 

 

"Yes, since it will keep your son from screaming his head off in the backseat. You know how he hates to be near you and not be in your arms." 

 

"Hmmm sounds familiar, also sounds a lot like another little boy I know." 

 

"I'm not a little boy, remember?" he reached over and caressed my rapidly growing cock through my jeans as I shifted in my seat trying to relieve the pressure. Grabbing his hand I stroked my dick with it and raised an eyebrow at him before pushing him away. 

 

"Okay Sunshine, I get the point, now stop it or I won't be held responsible for giving Gus an early education on man on man sex. But then it's never too early to learn the proper technique for giving a blow job." 

 

"You are just pure evil, Brian Kinney," he said laughing at me, his laughter sounding like music to my ears. When Gus heard Justin laughing he joined in, gleefully laughing at a joke he didn't even understand. 

 

Looking in the rearview mirror I watched my son and felt love and pride wash over me, I had done at least one thing right in my life. "Sonny boy, wanna go play with Daddy and Justin?" 

 

"PLAY! Play daddy. Gussy, play daddy and Justin." 

 

"Promise to be a good boy? If you're a good boy daddy will buy you ice cream." 

 

"I-CREAM...Gussy good boy," he squealed from the backseat. 

 

Justin shook his head at me, "He's talking a lot now. Maybe we should feed him lunch before the ice cream though. What do you say Gus, want fries and a burger at the diner?" 

 

"Gussy see Grammy Debbie. Want Grammy Debbie fries." 

 

"Okay sonny boy, the diner it is." Turning to Justin I replied, "see what you started?" 

 

"Oh you know you love Deb as much as that little boy back there does." 

 

"Yeah, but she doesn't need to know that, so keep your mouth shut or else." 

 

We walked into the diner with a squirming Gus in my arms and Justin trying his best to help. The second Gus saw Debbie he started to scream for her, and I let him down to run to her. She caught him in a big bear hug, leaving a trail of red lipstick all over his small face. Ushering us into a booth she kissed both Justin and myself before setting the toddler down between us. 

"So what brings you two out with my favorite boy today?"

"Brian and I thought it would be nice to take Gus to the park since it¹s finally warming up some. What kind of father would he be if he didn't fill him full of greasy food while we're at it?" 

 

"Shut up Sunshine," I warned before smiling at Debbie and ordering Gus a cheeseburger and fries with chocolate milk. Justin ordered the same for himself, and I ordered my usual, grilled chicken sandwich, minus the bread and opted for fries instead of fruit today. Waiting for our food we try unsuccessfully to occupy Gus with crayons and paper. The little boy was becoming more restless and I was quickly losing my patience. 

 

"Daddy, Gussy go potty." 

 

Justin picked him up and slid out of the booth, "I'll take you Gus, daddy looks like he could use a minute alone." Just as he turned to take my son to the bathroom in the back of the diner, he came face to face with that damn fiddle playing fool.


	4. I Want You to Know

I was out of my seat and between them before either had a chance to speak. From the corner of my eye, I saw Debbie take Gus from Justin and head to the back of the diner, presumably to take him potty, but more than likely to protect him from the infamous Brian Kinney temper that had flared. 

 

"What do you want Ian?" 

 

As I stood, my body firmly planted in front of Justin, I kept him behind me with my arms protectively shielding him. Looking past me Ethan spoke to him. 

 

"So I see it's business as usual for you." 

 

Pushing my lover further behind me, I tried to contain my anger as I spoke, "you aren't welcome here fiddle boy. Leave Justin alone or else." 

 

"Call your bodyguard off Justin. I only came in for a cup of coffee and then I'm on my way," he continued to ignore me and my anger grew worse. Seething I pushed him away as he tried to reach out to touch Justin, "don't you ever touch him." 

 

"Back off asshole." 

 

I lost my control then and drew back to punch him, luckily Justin stopped me before I could do any damage. I was still standing there, with Justin holding onto my arm to prevent me from harming the kid when Det. Horvath sauntered in looking for Debbie and a cup of coffee. Ethan ran over to him to complain about my behavior and it was with a condescending tone that Horvath told the little smart ass off. 

 

"You know what kid, I think you deserve an ass whipping, and you should be thanking Mr. Taylor for saving you from one. As for Mr. Kinney, I don't see where he did anything wrong, so I would take his advice and get the fuck out of here before Justin loses his grip on him and he does some real damage to that face of yours." As he watched the young man leave in disbelief, he yelled out to him, "and don't let me catch you stinkin' up the joint again or we may have to take a trip downtown. A pretty boy like you would be popular in the drunk tank on a Saturday night." 

 

Ethan was halfway out the door when he turned to leer at Justin and me, "Just remember, he doesn't do love, sooner or later he'll break your heart Justin." 

 

Standing in shocked disbelief, I watched Justin knock the kid on his ass. When he hit the floor the diner erupted in applause and one of the bears near the front door kindly escorted our fiddle player outside. I sat back in the booth next to him, watching him closely for signs that anything was wrong. It was only when Debbie returned with Gus and he grabbed Justin's hand to color that I saw him recoil in pain. Grabbing his right hand, gently massaging his wrist, he flinched at the pressure I was putting on his injury. I knew instantly he wasn't telling me everything. 

 

"Debbie, we need ice over here, NOW!" I demanded and turned back to face him. "Now tell me the fucking truth, how long has it been bothering you like this?" 

 

"It's not that bad." 

 

"Why the fuck are you lying to me Sunshine? Either tell me the truth or I'm dragging you out of here kicking and screaming all the way to the hospital. One way or another I'm getting some answers today." 

 

"Fine, you win, it's been kinda sore for about a month now, but really it's no biggie." 

 

"And what does your physical therapist say about it?" 

 

"I quit going," he said unable to make eye contact and pissing me off in the process. 

 

"What the FUCK do you mean you quit going?" 

 

"I couldn't afford it." 

 

"That is no fucking excuse. Money is no object Justin, not when it comes to your health." 

 

"Easy for you to say, you have more fucking money than I'll ever make in two lifetimes." 

 

"I would've paid for it, if you had asked." 

 

"I couldn't ask you to pay for therapy when you were already paying for my tuition. Besides I don't even know if I will ever be able to pay you back for that. I don't have a real job, and I still have two more years of school. A lot can happen in two years, Brian. Besides, we weren't together and it wasn't your problem." 

 

"When it comes to you, everything is my problem. Now get your ass up and go call your therapist and tell him you need to come in today. And don't give me any shit about it. I'm paying and you're accepting, NOW MOVE!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Justin sat next to Brian in the booth and thought about what he had just said, finally he got up and called for an appointment for that afternoon, just to shut Brian up. They finished their lunch and took Gus to the park. Justin sat on a blanket and watched Brian and his son chasing the ducks, trying to sketch only to find that his hand wouldn't cooperate. He was sitting massaging it when Brian sank down next to him and pressed a light kiss to his lips.

 

"Justin, tell me the truth, how bad is it?" 

 

Justin looked up at his lover with fear in his eyes, "I think it might be a good idea if you took me in to see the doctor about it." 

 

"Let me get Gus, we'll call the munchers on the way to come get him. You sit here and don't do anything." 

 

Justin watched Brian gather his son and all their belongings, loading Gus into the jeep first, and all the junk a toddler required. Brian called Lindsay and asked her to meet them at the Emergency Room. He handed Justin the phone and doing as he was told he to called his mom. Filled with concern, Brian watched him every time they were stopped for a red light or stop sign. 

 

Justin was trying his best to hide the pain he felt, and Brian was growing more and more anxious as the pain intensified in his lover's eyes. Reaching the hospital, he pulled up front and jumped out to open the door for Justin. Letting him know Gus and him would join him momentarily, he told him to go in. Finally freeing the sleeping boy from the confines of his seat, they joined Justin as he was sitting in the chair filling out the necessary paperwork. 

 

"They should really post instructions on those fucking car seats. Give me that," Brian said as he laid Gus across the two seats next to Justin and took the clipboard from him. "Fuck why do they need to know all this crap? What does knowing your middle name have to do with getting an x-ray?" 

 

"It's," Justin was about to reply when Brian interrupted, " Aaron." 

 

"You know my middle name?" He sounded like Brian had just spilled the mystery of life and looked at him with surprise visible in his eyes. 

 

"Among other things," Brian smiled lovingly down at the young blonde. 

 

Brian had gone to return the papers to the nurse when Lindsay and Jennifer arrived at the same time. Both women kissed Justin's cheek, Jennifer sat beside her son as Lindsay picked up Gus. 

 

"Where's Brian?" Jennifer looked around trying to find the man who was once again saving her son. 

 

"He went to turn in the forms he filled out for me. Oh there he is now." 

 

"Yes here I am, hey Linds, Mrs. Taylor." Jennifer nodded at him, smiling a soft motherly smile, as Lindsay kissed him before taking Gus and leaving. Making sure that Brian would call to let her know that Justin was ok. 

 

A few moments later Justin was called to the back as Brian held his hand, daring anyone to try to stop him from being with Justin as he was examined. Jennifer watched her son with this man and was glad that they both had finally come to their senses and got back together. She loved her son, but she had wanted to knock him on his ass when he left Brian. Brian on the other hand, she wanted to take into a hug and kiss away the pain she saw in his eyes, lucky for him Justin was back to help ease a little of it. 

 

The strange trio sat in the examining room waiting for the doctor in silence, Justin in Brian's lap on the exam table and Jennifer in the only chair in the room. The doctor smiled at the protectiveness he could sense in the older man and spoke with both men, acknowledging their relationship. 

 

"Mr. Taylor, I'm Doctor Sax, what seems to be the problem today?" 

 

"Um, my hand is stiffening up and I'm having some numbness and tingling in it." 

 

"I see on your chart that you were the victim of a bashing a little over a year ago, is this the result of that bashing?" Dr. Sax caught the slight tightening of Brian's arms around his lover, and made a mental note of the love he saw in his hazel eyes. 

 

"Yes, this is one of the results," Brian answered for him. 

 

"There are other problems?" 

 

"Yes, he doesn't remember large blocks of what happened that night and sometimes he has tremors in his hand when he's been sketching too long." 

 

"Thank you Mr?" 

 

"Kinney. Brian, I'm Justin's boyfriend." 

 

The doctor and Jennifer both caught the surprise that flashed across Justin's face as he moved deeper into Brian's embrace, smiling. 

 

"I see, thank you Mr. Kinney. Justin, I want take some x-rays of your wrist and hand, just to rule out anything serious. When was the last time you went to therapy?" 

 

"It's been over a month since my last session." 

 

"Well you can't just quit going to physical therapy Justin, it's important if you want to keep drawing." Dr. Sax turned to Brian, "I expect you to make sure he goes back to his therapy schedule and that he doesn't miss anymore from here on out. Now Mr. Taylor I'm going to send a nurse in to take you to X-ray. I'll see you when you're done." 

 

"Thanks Doctor." 

 

An hour later they were back in the room waiting for the doctor to reappear and tell them what was going on with Justin. Jennifer had decided to wait in the lobby so the boys could have a few moments alone. Brian was kissing Justin lightly when the doctor cleared his throat, as he entered the room. 

 

"Mr. Taylor, Mr. Kinney, I just finished looking at the films. I am a little concerned about the fact that you haven't been to a therapy session in so long, but I'm more concerned about the fact that your therapist hasn't been treating you as a CTS patient. I'm going to recommend another therapist for you to see. With an injury like this, and you being an artist, I at least want them to look at the possibility of CTS being a factor." 

 

"CTS?" Justin questioned. 

 

"Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. It's pretty common nowadays, but it's still something that concerns me. For now I want you to wear this brace anytime you are not drawing and I want you to take it easy for the next few days and give your wrist some time to rest. And Mr. Kinney, your job will be to make sure he goes to his therapy sessions and that he rests that hand." 

 

"Not a problem, Doc. Is there anything else we should know?" 

 

"Yes, I want you to understand how serious this is Justin. Do what I've told you and follow your therapy sessions religiously or else you may never draw again."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Once I told his mother what we had learned, I took Justin back to his place for a much needed nap. My mind filled with worry as I contemplated what the doctor had told us. Drawing was like breathing for Justin, his art is who he is, he defines himself by his art and without it I don't think he would know what to do with himself anymore. Still sitting and watching him, he awoke smiling at me. My heart filled with love for him as I took him in my arms holding him close, wanting to protect him from the cruel realities of the world.

 

"Brian, honey, I can't breathe." 

 

"Sorry, Sunshine." 

 

"You don't have to worry about me, I'm fine, really I am." 

 

"It's just that I love you and I've never felt like this before, so I just want to make sure your ok." 

 

"I'll be fine I promise. Will you go with me to the therapist tomorrow morning?" 

 

"Where else would I be, Sunshine," I said reassuring him. 

 

Leaving quickly before I changed my mind, I let him know that I would come for him at ten.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Knocking on the door at exactly ten the following morning, he greeted me in just a pair of jeans. Waiting for him to dress, feeling jealous, as he moved about the apartment he shared with Ben instead of being back at the loft with me. More than anything I wanted him to move back where he belonged. . . .with me.

 

As we sat in the waiting room of the therapist, I asked him to move back in. "Justin, come home. I want you to move back into the loft." 

 

"Not yet, Brian. It's too soon." 

 

"But I miss you there, it just isn't the same without you, it's all cold and empty." 

 

He was about to answer when his new therapist walked into the room. Both of us sat staring at the 6'2" blonde, who looked like he had just stepped out of a Calvin Klein ad. I could feel the sex oozing from him and I knew that he was going to be trouble when Justin shook his hand just a little too long.


	5. I Want You to Know

"Hi, you must be Justin, I'm Joshua Sax; I'll be your physical therapist. Before we start I thought we could spend a little time discussing what we're going to do here and any concerns you and your friend have. So if you'll follow me, we can get started." 

 

I watched Justin closely, annoyed at the way he smiled at the other man. Following them, I took a seat and watched Justin across the desk from Joshua and listened as he questioned Justin about his injury. 

 

"I've looked over your chart and your previous therapy sessions, but I like to get a feel for my patients, so if you could just fill me in on the nature of your injury and any symptoms you have." 

 

"Umm, a little over a year ago, I got hit in the head with a baseball bat and since waking from the coma, I've had tremors and numbness in my right hand and wrist. Sometimes it's so bad I can't even hold a pencil." 

 

"I understand you are an artist, is that correct?" 

 

"Yes I am." 

 

"So you spend a lot of time using your hand, and these tremors and numbness are not conducive to the creation of great masterpieces are they? I just want you to know that there is no miracle cure Justin. You're going to have to work very hard and probably have to endure considerable pain before you see any real improvement. Do you have any questions before I outline our sessions?" 

 

"Not really." 

 

"How about you Mr. Kinney, any questions?" 

 

I was impressed that he even knew I was still in the room, from the way he was looking at Justin I wondered if he thought he stood a chance with him. "Yes, I do have a few questions. Will the treatment affect his art and how long can he expect to be out of commission?" 

 

"Well, it will affect the quality of his work for a while but I think that once he is on a regular schedule he should see a vast improvement in small motor control. As for the amount of time it's going to take, that I can't tell you exactly, it all depends on how well he responds to the treatment." 

 

He turned back to Justin and made sure to ignore me for the rest of the session. "Now let's get started, first we are going to work on grasping small objects and holding onto them for a few minutes. This will help you gain some control and also better prepare you for the more intense workout later on. Mr. Kinney if you watch closely you can help him with this at home." 

 

I spent the next hour watching Justin and his gorgeous therapist hold hands and smile at each other. I had to physically stop myself from hurting Joshua several times. It broke my heart to see him smile at someone else like that and I felt myself starting to withdraw back into the famous Brian Kinney shell again.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Justin sat letting Joshua massage his hand at the end of their session and both men could feel the electricity flowing through their touch. Looking back at Brian he saw indifference on his face and Justin could only hope that meant he hadn't noticed the attraction he felt towards Joshua. At this point in their relationship he didn't think Brian could handle Justin feeling anything for another man.

 

As he sat there making small talk with Joshua, he could feel Brian's eyes on him and decided he had to do something to make Brian understand just how much he loved him. Justin didn't want Brian to start thinking he would leave for the first cute man who showed him any attention. When he finished he stood, walking over to Brian, he pulled the older man to his feet and kissed him deeply in front of Joshua. He wanted Brian to know how much it meant to him that he was there, but he also wanted Joshua to see the love they felt for each other and to make no mistake Justin only wanted Brian. 

 

Brian closed his eyes allowing himself to pour all of his heart into the kiss he was sharing with Justin. When the two broke, breathless, Brian looked at Joshua with a cocked eyebrow and an evil smile, noticing the erection straining against the blonde's pants. Pulling Justin closer, they walked out the door, leaving behind an aroused therapist with no hope of getting what he desired. 

 

They rode in silence to the diner and it was only when they were seated across from each other that either of them spoke. Brian was holding Justin's hand that was encased in a brace, and the blonde could see the emotions running through his dark eyes and waited until he spoke first. 

 

"What was that last little scene all about?" 

 

"Just my way of thanking you for being so patient today." 

 

"And it had nothing to do with the obvious attraction your therapist felt for you?" 

 

"What are you talking about, Bri?" 

 

"Quit with the innocent act Sunshine, I'm not blind. I could feel the heat across the room, so I know you felt it too. What gives?" 

 

"He's hot, but not as hot as you. I love you Brian. YOU. No one else. I may find him attractive, and I may even want to fuck him, but I'm with you, totally and completely. Nothing is going to happen with Joshua. I don't want anyone else." 

 

"Are you sure?" 

 

"I'm more sure than anything else about this. You are the one I want. I love you. So can we forget about Joshua and have lunch?" 

 

"Yeah, we can. Does it hurt baby?" 

 

"A little, but nothing a night with you can't fix." 

 

Brian laughed, as they settled in to eat lunch, making plans to have dinner later that night at the loft. Dropping Justin off at school, he headed to the office. Justin was walking across campus when his cell rang, assuming it was Brian he answered without looking. 

 

"Miss me already?" 

 

"Yeah. Justin?" the voice on the other end wasn't one he was familiar with. 

 

"Yes, who is this?" 

 

"Joshua Sax, sorry to bother you but I just couldn't get you out of my thoughts. I called to find out how your hand feels." 

 

"It's fine Joshua, but I doubt that's why you really called." 

 

"Okay, so you caught me, like I said, I couldn't get you out of my thoughts, and I was wondering if maybe we could have dinner tonight." 

 

Justin sighed audibly and answered, "I'm sorry Joshua, I can't, I'm having dinner with Brian tonight." 

 

Joshua pressed on relentlessly, "Okay, I understand, how about a cup of coffee then? I just want to see you." 

 

"Joshua, I'm flattered, really I am, but Brian and I just got back together and I don't think it would be a good idea for me to have coffee with you." 

 

"Justin I'm not asking you to cheat on him, I just want to spend some time with you and get to know you." 

 

Justin was amazed at how relentless this young man was and tried his best to let him down easy. "I'm sorry I just can't. I hope you understand Joshua. I have class now, I'll see you on Thursday for our session." Justin closed the phone and disconnected the call, his thoughts on how Brian would react if he told him and decided it was best to keep this to himself for now.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I'm sitting here in this uncomfortable fucking chair again watching Justin with Joshua. It's been a little over a month now, since he started these therapy sessions, and this kid seems more determined than ever to steal him from me. I've tried to keep my jealousy and anger in check but every time he's ignored my presence or slipped his little come-ons into the conversation, I have wanted to strangle the little bastard. Justin always made it perfectly clear that we were a couple and that nothing was going to change that, but this kid just didn't seem to get it.

 

Justin had gone to the bathroom and I decided to make it clear to Joshua that he was playing with fire and he needed to stop before he got burned. 

 

"Joshua, I think we need to have a little chat. It's obvious you would like a chance with Justin, and it's even more obvious that he and I are together. He's made it clear that he isn't interested in you, so stop the outright come-ons. NOW. I love him and I'll be damned if I'll let you come between us, others have tried. Hell, better have tried, and not succeeded, so save yourself some embarrassment and pain and let it go." 

 

He was about to respond when Justin walked back into the room. I slipped my arm around him, kissing him, "Let's go Sunshine." 

 

Once we were in the jeep he turned to me, "Okay, so what the hell was that all about in there?" 

 

"No idea what you're talking about Sunshine, Joshua and I were just having a little chat." 

 

"I just bet it was only a little chat." 

 

"Nothing for you to worry your pretty little head over baby. Now come on we gotta get you to school." 

 

I was sitting at my desk two hours later, trying to figure out how I was going to get Justin into bed. This had gone on long enough and I had needs. Buzzing Cynthia I asked her to check on some information, and waited while she got back to me. Within ten minutes she had booked us on a flight and in a hotel for a week. Now all I had to do was convince Justin he wanted to go. Knowing his phone was off during class but he checked his email often, I decided it was best to send him an email instead.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

To: KingofBabylon2000@Pitts.net  
From: BKinney@Vangaurd.org  
Subject: Spring Break  
Date: 18 March 2003

Hey Stud

Clear your calendar next week, we're going away for Spring Break. Pack lightly, you won't need many clothes. This is not your typical spring break. More details tonight at dinner. I love you.......Bri

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Justin stopped by the computer lab on his way out to check his email and was just about to log in when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Turning he was surprised to find Joshua smiling down at him.

 

"Joshua, what are you doing here?" 

 

"I told you I wanted to see you, and since you wouldn't come to me, I came to you. If you're not busy I'd like to buy you a cup of coffee." 

 

"I thought I made it clear to you that I am in a relationship with Brian, and I have no intention of screwing it up." 

 

"You did, but all I want is to have a cup of coffee, that can't hurt can it?" 

 

Sighing loudly, Justin shook his head, he thought one cup of coffee wouldn't hurt and then he would make it perfectly clear that he had no desire to see Joshua outside of their therapy sessions. "Okay give me a minute to check my email and my messages." 

 

Justin opened his email from Brian, quickly scanned it, and smiled when he read the last line. His mind ran wild at the thought of Brian taking him away for the week. It had been a long time since they had been together. They had both agreed to wait for sex until the time was right, and this message was loud and clear, Brian was ready. 

 

Justin was sitting in the diner having coffee with Joshua when Brian walked in. Joshua turned to see what had captured Justin's attention and fumed silently when he spotted Brian Kinney. He watched the older man cross the restaurant and slide in beside his lover, kissing him hard. He was still shooting him a dirty look when Brian looked up at him. 

 

"Oh Joshua, nice to see you again. What brings you to Liberty Ave and our fine dining establishment?" 

 

"Justin, he agreed to have coffee with me to discuss his treatment. We were just talking about his latest project before you came in," Joshua sounded sweet. Brian could see the hatred in his eyes and he knew that the younger man wanted to be alone with Justin and now his plan was ruined. He decided to have a little fun and make sure that this kid knew that Justin was his. 

 

"So Sunshine, ready for next week? I promise you the time of your life." 

 

"More than ready, and I have a few tricks of my own, old man." Justin leaned closer to his lover and ran his hands through his hair pulling him in for a kiss. Letting his tongue trace the outline of Brian's lips, Justin moaned softly at the taste of him. He loved the way Brian tasted, of coffee and cigarettes, Big Red gum and whiskey. 

 

"I love you," he breathed as Brian released him from the kiss. He almost laughed out loud when he saw Brian shoot Joshua a look that said eat your heart out kid. It was sort of cute to see Brian jealous. 

 

"Come on Sunshire, we gotta shop for dinner. I expect something spectacular," Brian said as he grabbed Justin's hand and pulled him to his feet. 

 

"Oh, I plan to give you something that will blow your mind tonight." 

 

They were still laughing as they left Joshua sitting all alone in the diner.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I was sitting on the couch, his mouth on my cock and it was the most exquisite feeling in the world. His tongue flicking over my slit, lapping at the precum, his hands on my balls, squeezing gently, as the head of my dick pushed against the back of his throat. He was so warm and moist, and man could the kid give head, I cried out his name as I came.

 

He looked up, licking his lips, and kissed me letting me taste myself on his lips and tongue. Lying down on the couch I pulled him to me and held him close, trailing light kisses over him. We awoke the next morning together, ready to move forward.


	6. I Want You to Know

To: BKinney@Vanguard.org  
From: KingofBabylon2000@Pitts.net  
Subject: I love you  
Date: 17 March 2003

Bri

I'll see you soon. I love you.:)  
FOREVER  
J

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I smiled at the thought of him in my arms, my bed and my life. I couldn't wait to get him in the hotel room and make love to him over and over. Grabbing the phone, I dialed the number of the Millennium Broadway hotel in NYC and double checked to make sure the arrangements were in place for the room. I had booked it for an additional night to make sure they had time to prepare it for us. When they confirmed my arrangements I gathered my briefcase and headed home to finish packing.

 

"Cynthia, have a nice week off and you have the number where I can be reached, but don't give it to anyone unless someone dies. Someone IMPORTANT." 

 

"Don't worry Boss, no one will get the number. Have a good time with Justin, and if you leave the hotel room could you bring me back a NYPD shirt?" 

 

"Anything for you, IF you keep all the wolves at bay while I'm gone. And Cynthia, thanks." 

 

"Yeah, whatever, get out of here and go get your man, Mr. Kinney. AND don't come back until you've made him love you." 

 

"He already loves me, I just need to convince him I love him." 

 

I stopped to say goodbye to Mikey and Gus on my way to the loft and by the time I got there Justin was sitting on the couch waiting for me. I tripped over his luggage trying to get to him, and after catching myself from falling, I kissed him. 

 

"Hey Sunshine, ready to go?" 

 

"More than you it appears, have you not packed?" He was looking at me like I had two heads, which wouldn't be a bad thing if they were the right heads. 

 

"Most of my stuff is already packed, it's just sitting in the closet, I only have a few essentials left to pack." I took the stairs two at a time and pulled out the toy chest, much to his disbelief. 

 

"You're not seriously going to take toys with us are you?" 

 

"Yep, why not? We need them, don't we?" I watched the various expressions cross his face, until he just shook his head and sat on the bed. 

 

"Brian you have to go through security with those and they will show up on the X-ray." 

 

"So when they ask, I'll tell them I'm getting old and I have to please my young hot stud, so he won't leave me. What's the big deal? Afraid they might think I'm gonna fuck you?" 

 

"Oh, they'll know you're going to fuck me," he laughed and I reveled in the sound. I loved when Justin laughed, it was like angels singing. Finishing up with the toys, and locking the chest I slid it back in its special spot. Grabbing his hand and the tickets, I led him to the couch, where I pushed him down after pulling his cargos down around his ankles. I still had his cock in my mouth when the limo driver buzzed, leaving him for just a second and buzzing our driver in telling him there was an extra thousand dollars in it for him if he walked real slow up the steps. Ten minutes later, I handed him a stack of hundreds as he smiled at Justin's extremely satisfied expression. Jim, the driver, took our luggage down a few bags at a time to give my lover an extra few minutes to adjust himself. 

 

On the drive to the airport, Justin raised the privacy glass and blew me. I hit the intercom button, giving our driver another thrill. By the time he opened our door at the airport he had a boner under his pants and had pulled out his shirt to hide it. Justin looked at me, laughter in his eyes, and hit me. 

 

"What did you do?" Justin asked. 

 

"I may have accidently hit the intercom button or something when you were busy with my dick in your mouth," I replied innocently. 

 

"No, you didn't. Brian Kinney, you are just pure evil." 

 

I laughed at how serious he seemed and smiled evilly at him causing him to laugh hysterically. As Jim loaded our bags onto a cart, he embarrassingly returned a smile to us. I pressed another handful of bills in his hand, and thanked him for the best ride I had ever had. 

 

We boarded the plane, settled into our seats and ordered a drink. Justin was acting like a kid in a candy store, having never been in first class before. I shifted in my seat and ran my hand up his thigh, stroking his cock through his pants. He tried to push my hand away to no avail, as I continued my assault on his rapidly hardening member. Just as he was about to cream his pants, the flight attendant walked over. Embarrassment flashed across her face, as she discreetly handed us a blanket, smiling shyly at Justin. Grabbing the blanket, I thanked her, watching her make a hasty retreat. Pulling the soft cotton over his lap, I looked around the cabin before  
ducking under to take him in my mouth. It was just seconds before he shot his load down my throat and I emerged licking my lips like a cat. 

 

I called her back over and asked for a towel and when she returned, she asked my lover if he was ok now. 

 

"I'm fine thanks, and I'm sorry," Justin replied. 

 

"No problem sir, it happens all the time, just usually in the bathroom. Your partner is the first to do it out here in the open. But hey I'm glad he did cause it made me $100." 

 

"Oh?" my curiosity piqued at that last statement. "And just how did that happen?" I inquired. 

 

"There was some discussion when you boarded about whether or not you were gay. Looks like I won, again." 

 

Laughter escaped me when she put a hand to her mouth, shocked by what she had just said. As she stammered out an apology, I couldn't help but be nice to her. 

 

"What's your name?" 

 

"Maya. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it to sound the way it came out." 

 

"Maya, it's all good, you're right I'm gay, now if I could just convince Sunshine here that he is too." 

 

"Damn you Brian, quit teasing her." He turned back to Maya after punching me in the arm, "Don't listen to him, he doesn't get out much. I hope you put the money to good use." 

 

"Thank you sir, I will, I have a baby back home, a little girl. Do you have any children?" 

 

"TOGETHER?" I said incredulously. "NO, no ankle biters for us yet. Do we really come across as parents? Fuck I gotta work on that." 

 

"BRIAN, stop it. I'm always apologizing for his behavior, Maya, pay no attention to him. But no we don't have any children yet, Brian has a son with his best friend and her lover, but we just got back together so I think we'll wait on having kids for a bit. So tell me about your daughter." 

 

I sat back in my seat and listened to Justin and his new friend chat about kids for the rest of the flight when all I really wanted to do was blow him again. By the time we finally landed, Justin had gotten her number and made promises to call her when we got back into town next week. As we deplaned I pressed a handful of bills in Maya's hand. 

 

"Buy your daughter something nice from us. Thanks for making him so happy on the flight." 

 

"Thank you sir. I hope you two have a great time in the city and don't let him get away again."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Brian led Justin into the hotel and checked them in, holding his breath that everything was ready. The desk clerk discreetly informed him that it was all prepared per his orders and handed over the key. As they stood touching in the elevator, Justin's nerves were getting the better of him by the time they reached their floor. The bellboy opened the door and sat the bags in the bedroom while Justin went to check out the view of the city. Brian stood behind him, arms wrapped tightly around his waist, kissing the top of his head before pulling away slowly.

 

"Hey Sunshine, you should check out the bathroom, maybe shower before we head out to visit the Museum of Modern Art. Waiting nervously as Justin walked towards the bedroom to gather his clothes, following closely, Brian watched him catch his breath as he caught sight of the room. 

 

"Brian, did you do this?" his gaze taking in every detail with an artist's eye. The bed was made up in a pale blue silk duvet with mosquito netting around the canopy, rose petals covered the bed, waiting for the lovers. Placed throughout the room were soft flickering candles that gave the room a hint of vanilla and a beautiful glow. Champagne sat waiting, chilled, in the bucket with crystal flutes and chocolate dipped strawberries. 

 

"Guilty," he said handing his young lover a blue box tied with a silk ivory ribbon. Justin took the box and looked up into desire filled hazel eyes, eyes he could get lost in if he let himself. "Open it." 

 

Justin untied the ribbon with shaking hands and pulled the top off to reveal a beautifully engraved key ring, with the words FOREVER on it. Brian lifted it from it's box and held it out to the blonde man in front of him. 

 

"You once told me that you're forever, I just want you to know that I'm forever as well. I love you Justin, for today, for tomorrow, forever." 

 

Justin kissed him and Brian pulled him up into his arms, carrying him to the bed, where he lay him gently down on the rose petals, undressing him slowly, leaving a trail of hot moist kisses in their place. He lingered at Justin's thighs, teasing him relentlessly until the younger man had a full erection. Taking the engorged member into his mouth he slowly licked him, flicking his tongue over the slit, and tasting the precum that was starting to seep out. 

 

Justin wove his hands through his auburn hair, pulling him closer, eyes closed, moaning loudly at the sensations that coursed through his body. Brian looked up to see the ecstasy on his lover's face and gently rolled him over. He trailed kisses down Justin's back, letting his tongue linger just at the crack of his firm ass. Taking his time he ran his tongue down the crack and pushed gently into the tight pucker with a stiffened tongue. Justin gasped with pleasure and arched his back trying to get closer to Brian. Continuing to devour his ass, Justin squirmed on the bed until Brian let up his assault and reached for the lube and condom. Rolling the condom  
on, he pressed the head of his thick cock to his lover's hole and slowly pushed in, an inch at a time, until he had Justin begging for him to hurry up. 

 

"BRIAN. OH god Brian, you're killing me here, I need you, NOW!." 

 

"Slow down Sunshine, I want you to always remember this." Brian was breathless as he thrust deep into Justin, pressing against his prostate, his hole tightened around Brian's cock as he let himself be carried over the edge to orgasm. Sensing his release Brian gave in to his own need and whispered over and over into his lovers ear, "I love you Justin."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I sat on the edge of the bed watching him dress, he always took longer than me and that annoyed me at times, but not tonight. Tonight I enjoyed watching the way he moved as he buttoned his shirt or ran a comb through his hair. Justin was dressed casually, as was I, since we had spent most of the afternoon in bed we had to rearrange our schedule a little and decided to go to the Hard Rock Cafe for dinner before spending the evening walking around the city. I could feel the excitement radiating from him, this was only his second time in the city and the first time he never left the hole in a wall he called a hotel.

 

We had a leisurely dinner, afterwards spent time wandering around the restaurant and gift shop. Justin was thrilled to see all the Beatles items that were hung up around our table. Justin bought a HRC t-shirt and bear for Gus and Molly and I picked up a shirt for Mikey as well. Leaving our packages in care of the concierge, we hit the streets again. Justin decided he HAD to see the Empire State building tonight, so off we went. I of course wanted to hail a cab, but Justin was having none of that, so we walked. I protested often, but I really didn't mind, since it gave me a chance to hold his hand, and see the city through his eyes. 

 

When we reached the top of the Empire State Building I thought for sure he would keel over from excitement. His artist's instincts took over and he commented on the light and shadows that filled the city at night. I stood back and watched him with love, which must have been obvious to the little girl next to me. I looked down when I felt a tug on my pants leg and found a beautiful little blonde haired blue eyed angel staring up at me. 

 

"Hey mister, is he your boyfriend?" she asked pointing towards Justin. I looked around for her mother only to find myself looking into a reflection of the little girl, only older. She smiled at me and nodded for me to answer her daughter. 

 

"Yes, he is my boyfriend, his name's Justin. I'm Brian, what's your name?" 

 

She shook my hand and I was slightly taken aback at how adult she acted when she was just a whisper of a human being. "My name's Thea, that's my mommy, Julie, she brought me here so that I could go to heaven happy. Are you married to Justin?" 

 

"No honey, he's not married to me, YET," Justin answered squatting down to join me in conversation with this angel. "Are you having fun? I hear they have this huge Toys R Us store here with a Ferris wheel in it, would you like to go ride with me?" 

 

Her mother stepped back and motioned for me to follow. "I'm sorry about that, she just seems to have a way of seeing the love in people." 

 

"No problem, she's beautiful. If you don't mind me asking, is she sick?" 

 

I caught the tears welling up in her eyes, but she remained strong and would not allow them to fall. "Yes, she is sick, very sick as a matter of fact. She has AIDS. This trip is my way of giving her some measure of happiness before she starts to suffer. The doctors told me a month ago that she is no longer responding to any of the cocktails or protocols. It's only a matter of time before she gets sick and doesn't get better." 

 

"She's lucky to have a mom like you." 

 

"I'm not really her mom, I've had her since birth, when her real mother abandoned her in a dumpster outside of my apartment building. She just seemed to need me so I petitioned for custody of her and here we are five years later." She looked over at her daughter and smiled to see her having such a good time with Justin. "He's great with kids, do you have any?" 

 

"I have a son, Gus, he's two, but Justin and I don't have any children together yet. We are taking this relationship thing slow this time around." 

 

"I wish you well, and thank you for being honest with Thea, you're a good man Brian." 

 

"We're in town all week," I said handing her a card with our room number and address of the hotel, "Call us, I would love to take Thea to FAO Schwartz and buy her anything she wants." 

 

"She would love that, I'll call you tomorrow afternoon. Is around two okay?" 

 

"That would be great, I know Justin will be excited." 

 

We spent the next morning in Central Park, where Justin sat and sketched the IMAGINE circle in Strawberry Fields. Afterwards we lit a candle for John and George and walked around the area just feeling the sadness that emanated from it. After a quick lunch of hot dogs from Gray's Papaya, we went back to the hotel just in time to answer Julie's call. Justin spoke with her, agreeing to meet at the toy store and later for dinner at Mars 2120 for dinner. 

 

I watched him with Thea and knew that he would be a great dad. For the first time I really wanted to have kids with him. I wanted to see our children grow up, I wanted to be an active father and I wanted to be with Justin. The two of them ran around the store playing and laughing until both fell to the ground in hysterics, barely able to breathe. Julie and I stood back watching their joy and discussing Thea's illness. It was hard to look at the active happy little girl and know that any day she could get sick and not get better.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Justin and Thea became fast friends, and were inseparable from the moment they met up in the street outside of the hotel. Justin held her hand as they walked, stopping along the way at the at sidewalk vendors, watching the artists draw or eating pretzels and peanuts that Brian bought them from the street carts. Justin seemed so happy with the little girl and Brian was happy just to watch him with her. They took the little girl to the Museum of Modern Art and she listened intently as Justin explained the different artists and their history. He had found a student who was just as interested in art as he was.

 

Brian and Julie spent most of the afternoon talking and he learned that she was a graduate of MIT and had taken a leave of absence from her own computer graphics company to take care of Thea. Brian couldn't imagine giving up his work to take care of a sick child, especially a child that wasn't his, and he gained a new respect for the woman who sat next to him on the bench. Julie looked at Thea with such love and devotion that Brian's heart was already breaking for his new friend at the thought of Thea not growing up. 

 

They were still sitting on the same bench when Justin and Thea came bounding up to them, both whining they were starving and falling to the floor in pure drama queen form. Laughter filled the cavernous museum as they ran for the exit and dinner. As they sat eating cheese fries, Thea looked up at Justin with her pale blue eyes and asked him if he wanted to be her best friend. "Yes of course" came Justin's enthusiastic reply, deciding best friends got to share dessert. As the newly appointed best friends ate their hot fudge sundae, Brian thought about what the next step in their relationship should be.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

As we said our goodnights to Julie and Thea we finally slipped into the elevator to go upstairs. This was the first time all night I had my lover alone and I pulled him in for a kiss, pressing him close to me so he could feel my arousal. When the elevator doors opened, we heard a loud gasp and broke from our kiss to see an older couple waiting on the other side of the door. Cocking an eyebrow at them I picked Justin up and carried him to our door, setting him down only long enough to find the keycard. Carrying him into the room under the watchful gaze of our audience, kissing him for good measure one last time before slamming the door behind me.

 

"I have wanted to do this all night," he said jumping into my arms, his legs wrapping tightly around my waist, his already erect dick rubbing against my own. I carried him to the bed dropping him on it with a thud. "Cool it lover boy, I have plans for tonight. Sit back and undress and I'll be with you in just a minute." 

 

Closing and locking the bathroom door, I filled the large tub with steaming water and floated rose petals.. I lit the many candles that had been set up around the edge of the tub and called for Justin to join me. He walked in like something out of my dreams and joined me in the water, settling against my chest. Kissing the top of his head, I relaxed and let myself just enjoy being with him. After soaping and rinsing him off I ran my hands over his body, tracing every muscle and lingering at his cock. He grew under my touch and I knew that it was only a matter of minutes before he would want to feel me inside of him. We kissed and touched until we were both at the point of no return. Justin turned to face me, grabbing a condom he rolled it on my hard dick and then lowered himself until I was completely inside of him. He took control and moved his hips in a rhythm that about drove me insane with desire. He would take me to the brink and then pull back, making me wait, torturing me. 

 

"Justin, I can't wait anymore. I have to cum now. God Please baby, I need to," I begged him, watching a smile play across his beautiful face as he sank down on me completely and once again we came together. We made love again in the tub before the water turned cold and we retired to the bed to continue our lovemaking. 

 

I awoke the next morning knowing that I was with this man forever, I knew that I would always love him and I would never leave him. Watching him sleep for about an hour before he stirred and then we made love again. After a quick room service breakfast we spent another day playing tourist in the city, touring the statue of Liberty and Ellis Island, theTradeCenter site, Battery Park, and spent sometime feeding the squirrels. We took Julie and Thea to dinner again and afterwards we treated them to a carriage ride through the park. Justin had become very attached to the little girl and I could see the sadness in his eyes when he thought about her leaving the next morning. Making sure he had her address and phone number, he kissed her goodbye one last time as we made our way back to the hotel. 

 

The next night was our last night in the city before we had to return to the realities of life in the Pitts. I had scored tickets to Les Mis, Justin loved the book and I couldn't wait to see his face as he watched the show. We were planning on having dinner at Tavern on the Green before the show and then back to the hotel for one last night of love in the city. As we ate, the music played and couples danced around us. Justin stood, asking me to dance, we hit the floor as the first strains of Save the Last Dance for Me began to play. Pulling him close to me, we moved in perfect unison around the dance floor. I held him close, kissing him, whispering to him how much I loved him, unaware that everyone was watching us as we danced. When the applause began as the song ended, we both noticed that we were the only ones left dancing. Taking a bow, I held his hand as we walked back to our table. 

 

Justin sat in the darkness and watched Les Mis with tears in his eyes. It made me happy to know that I had given him something he had wanted for a long time. I would do anything to make him happy. When the play ended we took a cab back to the hotel and made love for the rest of the night.


	7. I Want You to Know

We had been back in the Pitts for less than two hours when the gang showed up at the loft. I was in the middle of giving Justin a good rim job when they arrived and let themselves in with Michael's key. I have to change that fucking lock, I thought, and stomped out to the living room, naked and hard. 

 

"Don't you fucking people know how to use a phone?" 

 

"We called, you didn't answer," Michael shot back. Emmett stood drooling, while Teddy covered his eyes. Melanie averted her eyes and shook her head at my nakedness; Lindsay stifled a small chuckle, while Ben also covered Michael's eyes. 

 

"So you figured, oh let's just go over and interrupt him and Justin, they won't be doing anything important." 

 

"Getting your dick sucked is not important Brian, “Melanie smirked. 

 

"Easy for you to say, Smelly Melly, your dick isn't all that big." I yelled for Justin to get dressed and headed back upstairs to put on some clothes. I made sure to speak loud enough for our friends to hear. 

 

"Get dressed Justin, the Brady Bunch is here to live vicariously through you. And when they're gone, I'll finish eating your ass." 

 

"BRIAN!!" Lindsay yelled from downstairs, "Your son is here, watch what you say." 

 

Looking at Justin I sighed deeply and shook my head an annoyed expression on my face. "Remind me again why I love these idiots. Come on Sunshine, let's go, the sooner we get down there and tell them everything, the sooner they will fucking leave."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Gus was sitting on the floor, playing with Buzz Lightyear and Woody, while the adults shared a few bottles of wine and listened as Justin and Brian told them all about their trip.

 

"We went to the museums, and all the touristy spots. Brian took me to Madam Tussaud's Wax Museum and we fucked behind the Regis Philbin figure." 

 

"That's one I'm sure Reege would love to know," Ted cracked. "So did you do any shopping?" 

 

"Of course, Brian bought out Barney's. We hit Macy's and he bought more damn ties. Then we went to FAO Schwartz and I think Brian maxed out his credit card on toys for Gus and Thea." 

 

"Who's Thea?" Michael asked. Justin filled them in on the little girl they met with a little help from Brian. Lindsay watched her friend's face as he spoke of the little girl and could see the love that he felt for her. She still didn't understand how no one else but her and Justin could see how deeply this man felt about the people he let into his inner circle. 

 

"Sounds like you guys had a great time," Ben remarked. Justin hadn't been home since returning and he wondered whether or not he even would. Putting his fears to rest Justin informed him he'd be back tomorrow evening. The two had gotten close during the previous months of sharing an apartment and boyfriends who were best friends. 

 

As daylight started to fade, Justin and Lindsay went in search of something to throw together for dinner for eight and one toddler. Justin rummaged through the cupboards while Lindsay dug through the fridge and freezer. Neither were having much luck and Justin was about to give up hope when he found a can of ravioli buried behind a few cases of Sam Adams. 

 

"I found ravioli for Gus, any luck on your end?" 

 

"Not a damn thing, I honestly don't know how this man survives." 

 

"Take out," Brian shot back as he pulled his lover close for a kiss. "Why don't we just order pizza or something." 

 

"Pizza it is, I'll grab the menu and call it in." Justin grabbed the handset and dialed the number, ordering five large pizzas; two pepperoni, a veggie, a special and a Hawaiian.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I was stuck alone with Lindsay in the kitchen, and I could tell she was dying to get me to herself. Trying my damnedest to keep her at bay, I busied myself with plates and napkins.

 

"Brian, you can stop trying to ignore me, I know you better than that. I'm glad you had such a good trip with Justin," she said kissing me lightly on the cheek. "God knows you both deserve a little happiness." 

 

"Lindsay, I don't want to go into this now, I just want to enjoy this time with my friends and with Justin." 

 

"I know, I just want to say that I'm happy for you Brian. You found someone you love that loves you back and I know how hard that was for you." 

 

Lindsay watched as her best friend walked away with a slight smile on his face and she felt such joy at his happiness. Happiness was not something Brian allowed himself often and she knew this was a big step for him, she just hoped that no one would try to ruin it for them, most of all Brian himself. 

 

When they all left, I grabbed the blonde next to me on the couch and pulled him onto my lap facing me and kissed him. Running my hands through his hair I kept him still as I ran my tongue over his lips and pressed for entrance; allowing me to enter I thrilled in the warmth of him. I loved this man beyond anything I had ever known and I wanted him with me forever. Breathless, I broke the kiss and stared into his blue eyes. 

 

"Justin, I want you to move back in here with me." 

 

Looking away from me, he softly said, "No, I can't." 

 

"Why not? We're together, we love each other, we've fucked, so what's stopping you?" 

 

"I just think that now is not the right time. I like living at Ben's, it gives me a chance to just be me when I need that." 

 

I pushed him off me and walked over to the window, lost in my thoughts. I felt his arms around my waist and his head resting against my back, and I sighed contentedly to be here with him like this. 

 

"I love you, Brian." 

 

"I love you too, Justin." 

 

"BUT?" he asked the fear evident in his low voice. 

 

"But, I want you here with me, all the time. I don't sleep well without you, so see I need you here." 

 

"I know baby, and soon we'll be together forever, its just that now I need this time to be on my own. I love you, you know that, I just want us to take it slow. Last week we made love for the first time in months. I think it's too early for us to be living together again. The next time I move in here, I want it to be forever." 

 

"I'm offering you forever, Justin." 

 

"Brian, as much as I want to live with you, I just don't think now is the right time. Can we just wait a little longer? It's not like I won't be around all the time anyway." 

 

"Okay, I give in, if I can't have you here in my loft I at least want you in my life. And like you said, you'll be here all the time anyway."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A month later I was sitting at my desk looking over an ad campaign when Cynthia buzzed me to let me know that Julie was on line one. Picking up the phone I swallowed the dread that threatened to overtake me.

 

"Julie, it's so good to hear from you again. How are you and Thea?" 

 

"We're fine Brian, I called because Thea has been begging to come see Justin and I wanted to see when would be a good time for you guys. I know Justin is in class all day but she is determined to see him so I promised her I would plan a trip and I wanted to pick a time that wouldn't mess with your schedules too much." 

 

"Justin would love to see Thea, and it would be nice to see you as well, Julie. Let me check my calendar, I have most of Justin's commitments on there as well." I shuffled through our date book and let her know that next weekend would be a good weekend to come. We chatted a few more minutes before saying our goodbyes and I promised to have a car waiting for her at the airport on Wednesday. 

 

When I picked Justin up from school, I told him that Thea and Julie were coming into town, you would have thought I had told him that The Beatles were in our living room. His excitement even rubbed off on me a little. It would be good to see Thea again and I knew how much Justin loved the little girl, so that would make it even more special for them both. 

 

The week seemed to fly by and before I knew it Julie and Thea were in the Pitts.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Julie sat on the plane holding Thea's small hand in hers, the child hated planes but was trying her best to be brave. The only reason she was being so brave was she knew she would be seeing Justin in the next few hours and she could brave anything to see his smile again. Julie held onto her daughter tightly, trying to offer comfort and support without being too overprotective. She distracted Thea during takeoff by telling her about the things that Justin and Brian had planned for them to do together. She was saving telling her about Gus's birthday party until landing, knowing she would need something really good to distract the young girl's mind when they landed.

 

"Mama, is Justin going to pick us up?" Thea looked up at her mother with big blue eyes full of hope. 

 

"No honey, I don't think so. Brian is going to have a car waiting for us to take us to the hotel then we'll meet them for dinner this evening. I know you want to see Justin, but he has school today and needs to be there, but he is just as excited about seeing you as you are him." Julie watched her daughter's face trying to gauge her reaction to the news that Justin wouldn't be waiting at the airport. 

 

"Okay, but you promised that I could spend one whole day with Justin. I want him to help me with something special for you Mama." 

 

"I know I promised and I've already talked to Justin about it and he is ready for his day with you. You just have to promise me that you'll be a good little girl for mama this week. I am doing this for you Thea, because I love you and I want you to be happy." Julie fought back tears as she thought about the day she would have to say goodbye to her daughter. 

 

When they finally got off the plane, Thea spotted Justin standing at the gate waiting for her with a large bouquet of roses. The little girl ran to Justin who caught her up in a bear hug and held onto her. Brian hugged Julie, as the foursome went to get their bags. 

 

"It's good to see you Julie, how was the flight?" Justin was still holding Thea in his arms as he spoke. 

 

"It was fine once we were in the air, Thea doesn't really like flying, but she did great." She leaned over and kissed her daughter, who was still clinging to Justin. "Thanks for picking us up, I wasn't expecting it, but it's a nice surprise." 

 

"I couldn't let this beautiful girl arrive without a welcoming committee, Justin teased. Brian shook his head, and wondered how this child had captured his lover's heart so quickly. 

 

"I couldn't keep him away, he was jumping up and down and driving me insane, so I just drove his ass here," Brian explained to Julie. 

 

Thea's mouth dropped and she looked at Brian like he was Satan himself, "You said a bad word, you owe me a dollar." She stuck her little hand out waiting for him to pay up. As Brian pressed the crisp bill into her soft hand, Justin laughed, "You're going to be one rich little girl by the time you leave." Turning to Brian, he cocked his head to the side and advised, "You may want to get a second job, cause you're gonna go broke paying her every time you say a bad word." 

 

Brian gave his lover a playful shove and teased back, "Yeah well, then I guess you will just have to keep my mouth occupied so I can't talk." 

 

Julie watched the playfulness between the lovers and let herself feel the longing to have that kind of connection with someone. It had been a long time since she had been in love, five years to be exact. When she had found Thea and decided to keep her, her partner had packed up and moved out, saying that she wouldn't play second fiddle to some kid. It was for the best, but Julie still missed having someone who loved her and supported her and Thea.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

We all piled into the jeep and drove to the hotel so that they could freshen up. Dropping them off I promised Thea that we'd be back in two hours, since Julie wanted her to rest before dinner. Justin and I drove home in silence, that sunshine smile plastered to his face, he was so happy. I held him close as we rode up to the loft. Pulling the door shut behind him, he kissed me and went upstairs to shower and change for dinner.

 

Two and half hours later we bravely walked into the Liberty Diner, Justin anxious for our friends to meet his new best friend. They were all gathered waiting for us and it was Debbie who came over and embraced Julie in a motherly hug. She bent to hug and kiss Thea, who laughed and kissed her back. The little blonde took her seat in the middle of us all and held court like the princess she was. After everyone was introduced, we ordered and then let ourselves be entertained by Gus and Thea. 

 

"He looks just like you Brian, God help the girls," Julie commented about Gus. 

 

"Or the BOYS," I corrected. Her laughter was music to my ears and I pressed a light kiss to her cheek. Lindsay and Julie hit it off immediately, both being artists and mothers. They sat and discussed their favorite artists and made a date to have lunch and visit the GLC art show later that week. I could feel the chemistry between them and smirked at Melanie. 

 

Emmett and Thea fell into an easy teasing relationship almost immediately. At one point she even ended up in his lap sharing his fries and ranch dressing. Emmett was teaching her all kinds of southern traditions, he joked, making her light up with laughter. She reminded me so much of Justin, I was almost convinced she was his child.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Thea sat in Emmett's lap between Ted and Michael, watching all the adults with an intense interest. Looking over to Ted she studied him for a bit before finally speaking.

 

"Why are you so boring?" 

 

"THEA," Julie said with that motherly voice that would stop a train in it's tracks. "That's not a nice thing to say. You apologize to Mr. Schmidt right now." 

 

"AW, look Theodore even the kiddies think you're boring, shame she didn't see you back on Flag Day, when you were all UP and fun." Brian playfully stuck his tongue out at his friend and watched the little girl laugh again. 

 

"Brian, don't you corrupt her." 

 

"Sunshine, the world would be a much better place with more people like me." 

 

"Just what we need more assholes," Michael shot back. Thea caught the bad word and stuck her hand out for payment making Brian laugh at Michael. 

 

"Now you owe her money, shit Mikey by the time she leaves here she'll own the damn place," Brian said digging in his pocket for more singles to pay for his and Michael's slip. Julie laughed as her little girl grabbed the money and gave one to Gus and pocketed the rest. 

 

Looking to Brian and Justin, Julie asked, "And just how do you all know each other?" 

 

The gang looked at each other and broke out in laughter together, Lindsay was the first to speak, "Well Brian and I met in college, and dated for a while, yes shocking I know, but we were young. We stayed friends and eventually faced the truth about our sexuality. I met Melanie and Brian agreed to be Gus's father, and here we are." 

 

Michael was next to add, "I met Brian when I was 14, we became fast friends, and he spent countless hours at my house. I was envious of the way he could get any man he wanted, that was until I met Ben. We stayed in touch when he went away to college and when he moved back here and set up shop at what is now Vanguard. I was there the night these two met, even then it was hard to miss the love that flowed between them, it was like they were destined to be together." 

 

"Well, sweetie, I met Michael through Debbie, at the diner of course. I was new in town, freshly out and proud, I went in for a cup of coffee and walked out with a surrogate mom and new best friend. It wasn't long before I had moved in with Michael and became part of the family." Emmett left out the embellishments for once and turned to look at Teddy waiting for his version of how they all came to be here together. 

 

"I met Brian through Worshafter. He came in looking for an accountant, he recognized me from Babylon I guess and requested me personally. The next time I was at the club he spoke to me and I've been around ever since. It's pretty funny actually, since I'm always bitching about how he can just get any man to follow him to the bowels of Hell. And look at me." 

 

Julie laughed at that and shifted in her seat to hear Brian's version. "So spill, how did you meet Justin?" 

 

"Oh you're far too young to hear that story," Brian tried his best to get out of it but Justin wasn't letting him. 

 

"She's your age, but if you don't want to tell it, I WILL. See I was on Liberty Ave, looking to get laid for the first time. I always knew I was gay, that night was just my coming out party, so to speak. I had been walking around checking things out, when I saw him walking out of the club, I knew I wanted him. I could see he wanted me too, when he walked over; I thought I would die, but I didn't I went with him." 

 

"Okay, Justin, that's enough, there are kids present," Brian faced Julie and smiled that devastating smile. "Let's just say that we both enjoyed ourselves. And the rest is history, and history is best left in the past." 

 

"I think you just use that smartass way of yours to get out of things." The whole table erupted in laughter, and everyone told her how right she was. 

 

An hour later they all left together, promising to meet at Mel and Lindsay's for dinner the next night. The two took Julie and Thea back to the hotel, Justin and his new best friend talking and laughing the whole way there. It was only when they got out that Thea protested. 

 

"I don't want to go here, I want to go with Justin." She stomped her feet in true spoiled brat fashion and Brian shot Justin a look that said a lot. 

 

"Thea, don't you start this," her mother warned. 

 

Justin spoke up, "Honey, you need your rest, I'm not going anywhere but back to my apartment to sleep, I'll be here bright and early tomorrow morning to take you over to meet my mom and sister." He kissed her soft cheek and wiped a tear that had slipped past her eye, "You go to bed and have sweet dreams about me okay. I love you Thea." 

 

The small child threw her arms around his neck and clung to him for several minutes, letting go she ran to Brian and hugged him tight, whispering in his ear. "I love you Brian, but it's okay if you don't say it back, it can be our special secret." She kissed him on the cheek and took her mom's hand and went quietly in to bed.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Justin spent every waking hour of the next week with Thea, I didn't mind so much except when he insisted on going home every night. This was getting real old, real fast, but I kept my mouth shut, giving him his space. The day Thea left was hard on him, as he had really become attached to her. If I had the nerve to admit it to myself, I would say I had too. Dropping them off at the airport, Justin was unusually quiet as we rode home in silence, missing his little friend. I pulled the jeep into my parking spot and took his hand going inside, planning to fuck that sad look off his face. What is it they say about the best laid plans?

 

I opened the elevator gate to find Claire sitting on the floor in front of my door, and she looked like hell. 

 

"You look like hell, what the fuck is wrong?" 

 

"It's mom, Brian," as she collapsed into my arms in a hysterical fit.


	8. I Want You to Know

I pushed her off me and wiped at the tears that had spilled onto my coat, "What the fuck is with the waterworks? I paid six hundred fucking dollars for this coat and I'll be damned if your acid tears are going to ruin it." 

 

Choking back a sob she cried out "It's Mom, Brian!" 

 

"What the fuck is wrong with her now? Did the fucking church cave in or did she finally get the memo that Heaven is overrated?" 

 

She stood shaking, looking first to me then to Justin, "Does he have to be here? He's not family Brian!" 

 

"Fuck you Claire! He's my family, and anything you have to say you can say in front of him or you can keep your fucking trap shut." Justin shot me a dirty look to which I stuck out my tongue and rolled my eyes. "Now what the fuck is wrong with our mother?" 

 

"She...She died!" Claire shouted. 

 

"Really? You're not just teasing me are you?" Brian's exuberance nearly boiled over. 

 

"Brian she was your mother, have a little respect," she screamed. 

 

"Yeah she was my mother alright, she really loved me. Hell I could feel it every time she let Jack hit me." 

 

"She loved you Brian." 

 

"No Claire she loved you. She tolerated me, and only because I was successful. What the fuck do you expect me to do?" 

 

"You can help with the cost of the funeral." 

 

"Yep, even in death she's only after my cash. Fuck off Claire, it'd be easier for you to go to God and let him help the bitch, I ain't interested." 

 

"Brian how could you?" she cried, covering her face with her hands and sobbing uncontrollably again. 

 

Justin pulled me aside and laid into me, "Brian, your sister is obviously upset, and frankly whether you like her or not she's still family. For God's sake, show some compassion, your mother just died. Now get your ass over there and comfort her or else I will." 

 

"Yeah just what she'd enjoy a fucking fag holding her as she cries. You comfort her, I can't stand the stuck up bitch, as for my mother, well fuck it, she never wanted me when she was alive so now that she's dead, I'm not shedding any tears." Turning I brushed past my sister, going into the loft and slamming the door shut behind me; making my way to the bedroom, not bothering to look to see if Justin had followed. After a hot shower, I came downstairs to find Justin sitting and holding Claire's hand as she explained the circumstances of Joanie's death. She stood to leave when she saw me, but for some damn reason I can't explain, I actually felt sorry for the cunt and asked her to stay. 

 

"Claire, look, I'll help with the money, but I won't help plan a tribute to this woman who regretted the day I was born. Do what you have to do and send the bills to me, and let me know when the service is." 

 

She looked at me with red rimmed eyes and sighed audibly before speaking with a shaky voice, "Thanks Brian, that's more than I expected."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Justin sat quietly on the couch after Claire left, and watched Brian pace back and forth in front of the windows. He knew that Joan's death was affecting him more than he let on, but he knew better than to try to get him to talk about it when he was in this mood. Standing, he went to the kitchen and pulled out the bottle of Beam, and two glasses, pouring a double into each he handed one to Brian and downed the other himself. He drained his glass and held it out to Justin for a refill.

 

When the phone rang an hour later both men were plastered. Brian stumbled over to the desk and grabbed the phone, his voice slurring he answered, "Yesth?" 

 

"Hi Brian, it's Thea." 

 

Instantly he was sober and he smiled to himself after hearing her voice, "Hi babydoll, why are you calling so late? Shouldn't you be asleep?" 

 

"It's not that late, and I wanted to talk to you, I miss you." 

 

"I miss you too, princess. How was your flight?" 

 

"Oh it was great. They gave me wings and a chocolate sundae and soda and chips. It was so much fun this time." 

 

Brian laughed sadly and Thea caught her friend's sadness. 

 

"Brian, what's wrong? Why are you sad?" 

 

Justin watched Brian's face as he spoke to Thea and saw the tears well up in his eyes and he was glad that at least someone was getting him to feel the pain. 

 

"I'm not sad, babydoll." 

 

"Brian, it's okay to be sad. Did someone hurt you?" 

 

"Yeah, all my life. It's nothing for you to worry your pretty little head about." 

 

"Do you love me?" 

 

"You know I do." 

 

"Then tell me why you're crying." 

 

Looking towards the couch, he noticed that Justin had moved to the bedroom to give him privacy and he let himself finally feel the grief. 

 

"My mom died. I shouldn't feel sad, she never wanted me and never loved me. I was just the mistake she paid for everyday I was alive. You're so lucky princess, your mommy loves you so much. I never had that. No matter how hard I tried to please her, it wasn't enough. I wasn't enough," Brian let the sobs consume him. 

 

"Shhhhhh, Brian, I love you." 

 

"I love you too babydoll. I love you too." 

 

Justin stood just inside the bedroom door listening to his lover pouring his soul out to a five year old little girl and for a fleeting second felt left out. Shaking off the feeling, he reminded himself that Brian needed to get it out and if Thea could help then he was happy. Justin was still standing there with his heart breaking at all that Brian had confessed about his mom, when he came up the stairs.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I wrapped my arms around Justin, just needing to feel loved. He held me close as I sobbed. His hands running through my hair, murmuring words of love in my ear as he held me tight and just let me get it all out. He was still holding me an hour later when I finally cried my last tear. Looking up at him, I smiled.

 

"I'm sorry baby. I bet I look horrendous." 

 

"Yeah just a mess, red nose, red eyes, you've never looked more sexy honey." 

 

He pulled me into a kiss that made my cock jump. As Justin's tongue assaulted mine, I moved closer to him, sliding him down the bed until he was lying beneath me. I nuzzled his neck and lightly bit him in that special place, feeling his cock tighten against mine. I needed to feel him tonight; I needed to feel his love and needed to know that I belonged and mattered to someone. I broke our connection long enough to undress us both. When our skin touched it was like being licked by hell's flames. Being so in tune with his needs, I sensed his need to be one with me and rolled him over to his stomach. Squeezing some lube on my fingers I pushed slowly into his pucker, stretching him out, preparing him for my cock. 

 

He cried out in pleasure at the intrusion. Replacing one finger with two, he moaned in delight. When I removed my fingers, he shivered until I pushed against his hole with the head of my dick. Pushing in, I felt him respond as he moved back against me, taking the full length of me at once. My breath caught lost in the sensation of being inside him again, as he tightened around me. Thrusting hard and fast, we both forgot about gentleness and let ourselves feel the animalistic urges. "Justin...." I screamed as I came, holding onto him as if he was just an illusion that would slip away if I let go.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Three days later the two men walked into the church for Joan's funeral. Brian stopped at the door, looking around the church, his eyes settling on Reverend Butterfield. Justin caught what his lover was staring at and laughed remembering their nickname for the man.

 

"I see Reverend Buttfuck made it," Brian laughed at Justin's comment and they moved forward to take a seat in the family section. As they walked down the aisle, all eyes were on the two. They saw the gang sitting together and smiled at them. When they reached the first pew, Claire stood and started to say something; Brian cut her off with a dirty look. 

 

"Don't even Claire, he's my family and he stays or I go." 

 

"I was just going to say how good it is to see you two," Claire sat back down and gave her sons the evil eye to get them to be quiet. 

 

After the service, Brian and Justin met up with their friends at the back of the church. Lindsay kissed Brian's cheek giving Justin a sad smile. Michael hugged his best friend as Emmett kissed and hugged Justin. 

 

"So is there a reception somewhere Brian?" Lindsay asked. 

 

"Yeah, Claire is having it at Joanie's, she thought it would make us all feel so much closer to her. I can't wait." 

 

"We'll see you there?" Lindsay asked hopefully. 

 

"Do I have a fucking choice?" 

 

When Brian walked into his mother's house he couldn't help but laugh at the irony of the situation. Justin looked at him quizzically as he filled him in on his thoughts. 

 

"I was just thinking that Joanie would roll over in her grave if she knew that there were fags in her house," Brian laughed out loud at the thought. They found their friends and spent the next hour trying to be nice to all of Joan's church friends. When Brian had finally had enough he turned to the gang and asked, "Anyone want to take this celebration of my mother's life to Babylon?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A week later Brian was on the phone with Justin planning a romantic dinner for two when Gardner walked in. Telling him he would call him back, Brian turned his attention to his boss and felt the dread build up when Gardner told him exactly what was expected of him.

 

Sitting in silence for an hour Brian finally looked at Cynthia, "And what the FUCK am I supposed to tell Justin?"


	9. I Want You to Know

I walked into the loft, unsure of just how I was going to break the news to my lover. I didn't want to break his heart again and I knew that this was something that could destroy us if we let it. I found him asleep on my bed and I delayed the inevitable for just a while longer while I watched him sleep. He was so beautiful, a blonde, blue eyed man-boy. He would always be young and beautiful to me. My heart filled with the love I felt for this man. He had captured my heart and was a part of my soul. I never dreamt I could ever feel such love for someone, but it was Justin who made me realize that life wasn't worth living without love. 

 

He woke to find me staring at him, and laughed at me. I raised an eyebrow at him and he laughed harder, until I jumped on the bed tickling him until he begged for mercy. 

 

"What has you in such a playful mood?" he asked me unaware of how I was about to destroy our happiness. 

 

"You. Only you baby. I love you Justin," I said serious all of a sudden. He looked at me questioningly. 

 

"What's wrong, honey?" 

 

"Everything. I don't know how to tell you this without hurting you. But just remember that I love you Justin." 

 

"I love you too Brian, and whatever it is we'll get through it together. You're scaring me so spill it before my mind makes up even worse things than it already has." 

 

"I have to leave for Japan in the morning." 

 

"WHAT!?!" 

 

I couldn't look at him, it was too hard. "You heard me right, I leave at ten tomorrow morning." 

 

"Why?" 

 

"Well it appears Sony is shopping and they told Gardner that the only way they will go with VanGard is if I come to their home office and spend time getting the feel of the company. They requested me personally and said it was a deal breaker. This could be my stepping stone to Senior Partner." 

 

I hesitantly looked up at him, begging him with my eyes not to be mad at me. I could see the emotions that were coursing through him and it wasn't good. I took his hand in mine and kissed it. I could sense his sadness and tried to reassure him. 

 

"Justin, this isn't going to change anything. I love you and nothing's going to change that, ever." 

 

He looked at me with tears in his eyes and I thought for sure I had lost him again. "I love you too Brian, but this really is not the best time for you to be halfway around the world. I mean we just got back together and we're still working through all of the bullshit. Your mom just died, and what about Gus, are you just going to leave him?" 

 

"Justin it's business, I have to go, I've worked my whole life for this. For Christ’s sake Justin, Sony wants ME! Do you know how important that is? This could make me." 

 

"It's always about business with you isn't it? Where do I fit in? Or do I?" He stood and walked away from me, grabbing his jacket and slamming the door behind him. I sat on that chair for hours, tears streaming down my face. I jumped when the phone rang, grabbing it hoping it was Justin. It was a bittersweet feeling when I heard Thea on the other end. 

 

"Hi babydoll." I said sadly, trying to hide the tears. 

 

"Hi Brian, what's wrong?" 

 

She could always sense when I was upset, but I tried to lie to her anyway. "Nothings wrong princess." 

 

"Brian why are you sad?" She wasn't letting me lie to her, she always made me face the truth. 

 

"Justin and I had a fight, it's nothing you should worry about. Tell me about school and how you're doing." 

 

I spent another hour on the phone with her and it cheered me up immensely.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Thea hung up the phone with Brian and immediately asked her mommy to call Justin. When she got Justin on the phone, she filled him in on Brian's mood.

 

"Justin, you need to go to Brian. Make him happy again." 

 

Justin thought about what she was saying for a moment before answering. "Why should I?" 

 

"Because you love him, and he's sad." 

 

"Will you leave me alone if I go talk to him?" 

 

"YEP!" 

 

"Fine I'll go. By the way, I love you too Thea." 

 

Justin hung up the phone and slid out the door without Ben or Michael knowing. He knocked on Brian's door, not wanting to just let himself in. Brian opened the door surprised to see him standing there, but moving aside to let him in. Once inside Justin took note of the luggage that lined the wall next to the door, and braced himself for the reality of Brian leaving. 

 

"I'm going to miss you, you know that right?" 

 

"Yeah, I know, but not as much as I'll miss you. So why'd you come back?" 

 

"Thea forced me. She wouldn't leave me alone until I promised to come make you happy again. So here I am, did it work?" 

 

"Kiss me and let me find out." 

 

Justin looked at Brian like he had lost his mind and then said what the hell and kissed him. Their bodies seemed to melt together, tongues dancing, hands roaming, cocks growing. Justin hated to think that this kiss could be goodbye, and pulled away abruptly looking up into his lover's dark passion filled hazel eyes and reached out a hand to trace the outline of his lover's jaw. He ran his thumb over Brian's lips, and Brian snaked his tongue out to lick the digit before sucking it in. Justin watched his lover with a sad feeling building in his heart. 

 

"Brian, I don't want you to go. I want you here with me, where you belong." 

 

Brian stopped and stood watching the blonde fight the tears that threatened to spill from his beautiful blue eyes. "Justin, I don't want to go either, but I have to. I hate knowing that I have caused you such pain, I love you so much more than you could ever know. Please don't hate me baby. I couldn't live with myself if I knew that I broke your heart again." 

 

"I know you have to go, I know you love me and I know it's killing you to leave me here, but that doesn't make it any easier. I love you, you know that, and I'll miss you like fucking mad, and you know that too." Justin let the tears fall unchecked as he stood before his lover. 

 

"Justin baby, I won't be gone forever and as soon as I'm settled you can come for a visit. We'll spend countless hours checking out the sights of Japan, after we fuck for days of course. I'll call everyday, and write too. It'll be just like I'm here, you'll be sick of me in no time." 

 

Justin laughed at Brian's last comment, "I could never be sick of you honey. I'll be ok, and so will you. We'll be fine. No matter what, our love is strong and nothing and no one will keep us apart for long." 

 

Taking him in his arms Brian kissed the top of his head, "You sound like a Hallmark card. But you're right, we're strong, nothing can break us. I love you baby." 

 

"I love you too."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

He spent the night with me on my last night in the Pitts, and we made love over and over, every time better than the last. He agreed to stay in the loft while I was gone and he even accepted the jeep to drive around town in, it didn't take much convincing actually. The gang stopped by sometime after dinner and we all hung out one last time. Lindsay and Debbie cried of course, and Michael tried to be brave. Emmett promised to keep an eye on my baby, I don't know if I should trust that queen or not.

 

It was finally time to leave for the airport and I took one last look around my home for the last ten years. Shutting the door on my past, I stepped out into my future, a future that didn't even have Justin in the same time zone as me. We rode in silence to the airport, holding hands, not wanting to break the contact for even a second. He walked me to the security checkpoint where we had to say our goodbyes. 

 

He held me close and I hugged him tight, not wanting to let him go. When I finally pulled back an empty feeling took over. I looked at him with tears coating my lashes and said a final goodbye to him. 

 

"Justin, man I didn't realize this would be this hard, to say goodbye to you, it's probably the hardest thing I could ever do. I love you baby. God I love you. I am going to miss you so much." 

 

"Brian don't, don't say goodbye to me. It's not goodbye, it's only see you later. There will never be a goodbye for us. I love you too. Now get out of here before I decide that I'm not strong enough to let you go." 

 

One final kiss and I left him standing there without looking back for fear that *I* would not be strong enough to leave him. I settled into my seat and let the tears flow unchecked, my mind flashing back over all our moments together. 

 

I had called in a favor last night while he was sleeping, something I hoped would help make it a little easier on him today. Right about now he would be getting home and getting it.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Justin walked into the loft all alone, and looked around at how empty it looked without all of Brian's things. He walked to the windows and looked out over the city, a city that Brian was no longer in. Moving to the bedroom, he spied a small package on the bed with a card with his name on it. Opening the card he read the words written in Brian's handwriting.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

J

I miss you, I love you. I wanted to give you something for being so understanding and so strong. I know it hasn't been easy to love me, hell it isn't easy to be me. I just wanted to let you know how much you mean to me. I love you baby. I hope you like it.

B

'My love

And when I go away  
I know my heart can stay with my love  
It's understood  
It's in the hands of my love,  
And my love does it good.  
My love does it good.

And when the cupboard's bare  
I'll still find something there with my love  
It's understood  
It's everywhere with my love,  
And my love does it good.  
My love does it good.

I love, my love,  
Only my love holds the other key to me,  
Oh my love, oh my love  
Only my love does it good to me.  
My love does it good.

Don't ever ask me why  
I never say goodbye to my love  
It's understood  
It's everywhere with my love,  
And my love does it good,  
My love does it good.

I love my love,  
Only my love does it good to me.'

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Justin opened the package to find a copy of The Yellow Submarine autographed by Paul McCartney. He smiled to himself as he slid it into the VCR to watch. He couldn't wait until Brian called tomorrow and fell asleep wearing one of his lover's wife beaters, curled up in his spot on the bed and dreamt of Brian.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I dialed his number, not quite sure of the time in Pittsburgh but not really caring, I needed to hear his voice, to know he loved me. He answered on the sixth ring and sounded sleepy.

 

"Hello?" 

 

"Hey Sunshine, miss me yet?" 

 

"Damn right I do." he answered instantly awake. "I love you." 

 

"I love you too baby. How are things going? Are you all moved into the loft yet?" 

 

"I finished moving in the last of my stuff today, with Emmett and Teddy's help. It just doesn't feel like home yet." 

 

"And why is that?" 

 

"You're not here." 

 

I smiled to myself at that and I missed him even more. "I have a surprise arriving for you tomorrow afternoon, you need to pick it up at the airport at noon. It is a very special surprise so don't be late." 

 

"Brian, you have already given me enough." 

 

"There is no such thing as enough baby. Besides I think you'll love this one even more than the first one. So don't be late." 

 

"Can I get a hint? Is it bigger than a bread box? Is it alive?" 

 

"YES and Yes. But no more, you'll just have to be there at noon. I have to go baby, meetings galore today. I love you." 

 

"I love you too, and Brian?" 

 

"Yeah?" 

 

"Promise you won't find some hot young Japanese hunk to replace me." 

 

"No one could ever take your place. I love you, BYE." 

 

I hung up then and went back to work.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Justin barely made his therapy session and Joshua seemed angry at him for some reason, that is until Justin let it slip that Brian was out of town for an extended period of time.

 

"So, you're all alone in that big loft?" Joshua asked with an evil smile in his eyes. 

 

"Not really alone, the gang stops by all the time and my mom is always stopping by to check on me. Besides Brian calls every night to tell me he loves me." 

 

"It isn't the same though is it? I bet it gets lonely at night for you." 

 

"Joshua, I've told you that I love Brian. We're in a committed relationship and nothings going to change that." 

 

"So you've said." 

 

An hour later Justin was at the airport waiting for his surprise to arrive and was about to leave when he heard her voice. 

 

"Hi Justin." 

 

"THEA? Honey what are you doing here? Where's your mom?" 

 

"I'm your surprise, Brian sent me here to make you happy." 

 

Justin picked her up in a big hug and kissed her through his tears. She giggled when his five o'clock shadow tickled her neck. Setting her down Justin looked around for Julie. Not seeing her he questioned Thea. 

 

"Where is your mom?" 

 

"She didn't come. Brian had a nice lady named Cynthia come and get me. She likes Brian a lot and thinks you're good for him." 

 

"Come on baby, let's get your things and go home and call your mommy and let her know you're safe." 

 

They called Julie and let her know that Thea was safe and sound and they discussed the arrangements Brian had made. After the call Justin made dinner for the two of them and then they sat and talked for a bit. As he was tucking her into the bed for the night Thea asked Justin for a favor. 

 

"Justin, will you do something for me?" 

 

"Of course I will." 

 

"Will you paint my picture for my mommy? I want her to have it when I die so she won't forget me." 

 

"Honey, she won't forget you, but of course I will. I love you Thea, good night." 

 

Justin cut off the light and waited for Brian's call.


	10. I Want You to Know

"Hey baby, I miss you. I really need to hear your voice right now, where the fuck are you?" I said leaving a message on Justin's cell phone after not getting an answer at the loft. Where could he be? I tried to stop my mind from wandering and tried to convince myself that he was just out with Thea or at Lindsay's.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The persistent knocking on the door awoke Justin from a deep sleep, reluctantly he got up to answer it. Pulling open the door he stood face to face with Joshua, taking a deep breath and rolling his eyes he asked, "What are you doing here?"

 

"Thought I'd come by and keep you company, don't want you getting lonely while your boyfriend is out of town." 

 

"Joshua, now is not a good time." 

 

"Anytime is a good time to spend with you. So what are you up to?" 

 

"Sleeping," Justin tried his best not to sound too unfeeling. Both men turned at the noise that came from the bedroom and Joshua's smile widened. 

 

"So while the cats away the mice will play? Justin, I'm so proud of you." 

 

"It's not what you think, Joshua," Justin tried to explain but he cut him off with a kiss. 

 

"Hmmm maybe I came at just the right time, I have a habit of that. A threesome maybe?" 

 

Joshua was pulling his shirt over his head when Thea came down the stairs, stopping him in his tracks. "Who's she? You're into little girls? Too kinky even for me." 

 

Justin shot him a look that said more than words ever could. He moved to Thea to find out what had caused her to wake. "Thea honey, are you ok?" 

 

"I'm fine, I heard you talking and thought you were talking to Brian." Nodding towards Joshua she asked, "Who's he?" 

 

Joshua stuck his hand out and introduced himself, "I'm Joshua, Justin's friend. And who are you?" 

 

"I'm Justin's best friend, his AND Brian's." She looked at Justin and back to Joshua before finishing her thoughts, "I don't like you, you're a bad man. Justin make him leave." 

 

Justin smiled at Thea trying to hold back his laughter, "Come on honey, back to bed." Carrying her back upstairs he tucked her in promising to get rid of Joshua as soon as he got back downstairs. He was still upstairs when the phone rang and Joshua decided to answer it. 

 

"Hello." 

 

"Who the fuck is this?" Brian asked more than a little upset to hear a strange man answer his phone. 

 

"Joshua, and this is?" 

 

"Brian, what the fuck are you doing answering my phone and where the fuck is Justin?" 

 

"He's upstairs, in bed I think, can I have him call you when he's available?" Joshua was enjoying this just a little too much for Brian's taste. He let his anger overwhelm him. 

 

"PUT HIM ON THE FUCKING PHONE NOW!!!" 

 

Joshua hung the phone up and waited for Justin to come downstairs. He didn't mention the phone call and Justin assumed that whoever it was left a message on the voicemail. After getting rid of his unwelcome guest, he decided to call Brian.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I was still reeling from Joshua answering when I saw his number flash on my cell phone and answered it quickly.

 

"What?" 

 

"Hey baby, I love you." If he thought this would get him off the hook, he was sadly mistaken. I remained silent, waiting for an explanation. 

 

"Brian? Did you hear me?" 

 

"BRIAN? ARE YOU OK? What's wrong? Don't shut me out, talk to me please." Justin sounded desperate and not knowing if it was his voice or just missing him so much, but I relented and spoke to him. 

 

"Why don't you fill me in on what was going on when I called earlier," I demanded, hating how jealous I sounded but I needed to hear him say it. 

 

"You called? When? I've been home all day, except for when Thea and I went to the store for chocolate milk." 

 

"I called when your *friend* was there." 

 

"What friend? No one's been over all day, oh wait, you called when Joshua was here? I'm going to kill that mother fucker. What did he say to you?" I could tell he was pissed, but that did nothing to help my mood; I was still angry at him and Joshua. 

 

"He said you were up in bed and that he'd have you call me when you were available." 

 

"Brian, I was upstairs with Thea, she woke up and had a few words with Joshua. I was tucking her in, I just assumed that whoever called left a message. Brian, honey, NOTHING HAPPENED. You believe me right?" 

 

I didn't answer him, I just hung up the phone and poured myself another drink, ignoring the ringing phone.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Justin stepped off the plane a day later and hailed a cab , giving the driver Brian's address. He wasn't sure exactly what he was going to say or even if Brian would listen but he had to try. He loved him more than anything and wasn't going to lose him again, not because of some snot nosed fucking kid. When the driver pulled up in front of the building Justin paid and jumped out grabbing the only bag he brought. He stood outside that building for a half hour before finally going in. Knocking on the door and getting no answer he sat down in the hall with his back against the wall to wait for his lover to come home.

 

Brian came home four hours later to find his lover asleep against his door and hesitated just a moment before waking him. Setting down his briefcase, he bent down to pick him up and carried him inside. Justin woke to find himself in Brian's arms and nuzzled against his neck, breathing in the scent of his lover. Brian dropped him on the couch and walked to the kitchen for a drink. He did not want to deal with this tonight, but now he had no choice. Coming back into the living room he looked at Justin sitting there and felt his heart swell with love. 

 

"What are you doing here, Justin?" 

 

"You wouldn't talk to me on the phone, so I came here to get this bullshit straight. I'm not going to let you destroy us because of some stupid asshole." 

 

"I'm not in the mood for this. Go home Justin. There's nothing to talk about." 

 

Brian turned to walk out of the room, Justin grabbed his arm and spun him around to face him. "I'm not going anywhere until we talk about this. I love you Brian." 

 

Brian looked away and tried to hold himself together, "There's nothing to talk about." 

 

"There's something very important to talk about, US. You and me. Brian Kinney and Justin Taylor. I love you and you love me and that just doesn't go away by not talking about it. Grow up Brian." 

 

"Fuck you. I'm not doing this tonight, I'm not in the mood. Go home!" 

 

"Haven't you figured it out yet, being an asshole to me never really got you anywhere. I love you and I KNOW you love me so sit the fuck down and listen," pushing Brian down into a chair he sat at his feet to keep him from getting up. "I love you Brian. You know in your heart that nothing happened with Joshua. He came over unannounced, I told him to get out, Thea told him he was a bad man, it was cute actually. She is a lot like you, she speaks her mind and doesn't give a fuck about who cares. It was sorta like living with a small female version of you." 

 

Brian sighed deeply, just trying to get through this without crying. 

 

"Damn you Brian, I love you. I don't want anyone else. I want you! Forever!. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, grow old with you, share a life with you. I don't know how else to convince you." 

 

Justin sat staring at his lover, seeing the different emotions flash through his eyes, Brian's eyes were really the window to his soul. After several minutes, Justin took the silver band off his thumb and held it out to Brian. 

 

"Brian, I bought this right after you left, it reminded me of us. How the bands are woven together, how you can't tell where one ends and the other begins. That's us. I love you, YOU. All your good qualities, like how you make sure those you care about are happy, you give up so much for your friends; and I love you despite your bad qualities, like how you shut down when something goes wrong. Please don't shut down on me now. I need you to believe me, most of all I need you to love me. Maybe this isn't the right time but damn you I love you and I want you forever." 

 

Justin raised himself onto one knee and held out the band to his lover, "Brian, will you marry me?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Did he just ask me to marry him? I look down at him in shock, yep he's on his knee and he looks serious. Does he really expect me to answer him?

 

"What the fuck are you doing?" 

 

"I'm asking the man I love to marry me and I'm waiting for him to answer." 

 

Laughingly I said, "You're not serious are you?" 

 

"I'm as serious as a fucking heart attack. I love you and I want to marry you." 

 

I thought for a moment and couldn't help but smile at him, at his crazy ways of getting me to do things I swore I would never do. 

 

"Damn you, Sunshine, first you get me to believe in love now you get me to agree to get married, what are you on a mission from God or something?" 

 

"What? Did you just say yes?" 

 

"Yes Baby, Yes I'll marry you!" I yelled at the top of my lungs taking him in my arms, kissing him hard.


	11. I Want You to Know

Falling against his chest breathless and smiling to myself I could not believe I had agreed to marry this kid. My mother must be rolling over in her grave right about now, and Hell must be pretty damn cold, Brian Kinney is getting hitched. Catching my breath, I pulled out of him and disposed of the condom. When I looked at him, and he smiled; a smile that would be the death me yet. 

 

"Are you sure you want to marry me Justin? I mean, you know I'm not the easiest person in the world to live with and I am a moody pain in the ass most days." 

 

"Shut up. Stop trying to get out of it already. You said YES, and I heard you. Brian Kinney said he'd marry me. I still can't believe you said yes, did you really mean it?" He was looking at me with a smile so big I thought his face would break. I laughed at him for being so silly. 

 

"I said YES! I don't know what I was thinking, but I did agree to marry YOU!! Fuck! Wait until Debbie finds out, she's going to fucking freak." 

 

"Did anyone ever tell you that you talk too fucking much?" He silenced me with a kiss that seared my soul and we began to make love once again.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

An hour later both men were starving, and as usual Brian did not have any food in the place, so he decided to go out and pick something up. Justin grabbed his cell phone and dialed Thea's number. When Julie answered, he asked for Thea.

 

"Hi sweetie, I have something really good to tell you. Brian and I are getting married." 

 

"Really?" she squealed and dropped the phone. Julie picked it up and asked, "And just what did you tell her that made her so happy?" 

 

"I told her that Brian and I are getting married." Justin beamed as he told Julie all about what was going on. He was still talking to her when Brian came in carrying dinner. Asking who was on the phone, Justin handed it to him. 

 

"Hello?" 

 

"Hi Brian." 

 

”Hey Jules. How is my little princess doing?" 

 

"She is doing as well as can be expected. How are you? I hear congratulations are in order. You're a lucky man Brian." 

 

"Thanks. You¹re right, I am very lucky that he puts up with my bullshit. I'm even luckier that he loves ME." 

 

Brian spent another few minutes talking to Julie and Thea before hanging up and enjoying his dinner of sushi with Justin. 

 

Two days later Justin was packed and ready to go. It was going to be hard for me to say goodbye to him, having spent the last few days sequestered away in my apartment. I wanted to introduce my lover to my staff, but he had other ideas and convinced me that our time would be better spent in bed. Now it was time for me to take him to the airport and say goodbye again. 

 

He helped Justin finish packing and kissed him again before they headed out the door. Once at the airport, they walked to the gate. Pulling him in close for a long goodbye kiss, they heard a burst of applause when they broke apart breathless. Justin turned to take one last look at his lover before heading home to plan a spring wedding. 

 

Standing under a hot shower, it felt good to finally be home. Thinking back over the last couple of days spent with Brian, Justin smiled to himself as he finished up just as the water ran cold. As he wrapped a towel around his waist, he decided to email Brian about the date for the wedding. Much to his surprise he had an email awaiting him.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

To: KingofBabylon2000@pitts.net  
From BKinney@Vanguard.org

I love you Sunshine. Thanks for such an amazing weekend, I haven't felt this good since I left home. You're amazing you know that. As I was driving home I remembered something I had read once that reminded me of you. 

 

'Bend little willow

Wind's going to blow you

Hard and cold tonight.

Life, as it happens

Nobody warns you 

Willow, hold on tight.

Nothing's gonna shake your love

Take your love away

No one's out to break your heart

It only seems that way....hey

Sleep, little willow

Peace gonna follow 

Time will heal your wounds

Grow to the heavens

Now and forever 

Always came too soon

Little willow 

Nothing's gonna shake your love

Take your love away

No one's out to break your heart

It only seems that way...hey

Bend little willow 

Wind's gonna blow you

Hard and cold tonight

Life, as it happens

Nobody warns you 

Willow, hold on tight

Ah, little willow 

Little Willow.' 

I love you my little willow...

B

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Justin's smile was evident in his voice when he called. I knew that it was the poem that got him all lovey dovey this afternoon. The little things meant the most to him and it had taken me a long time to learn that. But now that I had I tried to find little things to brighten his day as often as possible.

 

"Hey sunshine, shall we pick a date for our wedding? I was thinking spring, when everything is new and alive again." 

 

"I was thinking the same thing, how about May?" 

 

"May is good, but isn't that a little soon? I mean it's already the end of March." 

 

"If you can be there I can plan it. Besides I have lots of help on this end or did you forget my mom, Debbie and the munchers?" 

 

I laughed at his use of my nickname for the girls, Justin always could make me laugh, even when I didn't want to. After discussing the date and some details I had to let him go so that I could prepare for a meeting with the CEO of Sony.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A week later Justin sat at Mel and Linds's kitchen table with his mother and Debbie trying to decide on a color scheme for the wedding. Everyone was talking at once and each had their own copy of BRIDE magazine to look for dresses for some of the attendants.

 

"Okay listen, Brian is not going to go for something tacky so let's rule out the offensive dresses now. I was thinking that we oooooooooooo could wear black tuxes with vests to match the attendants colors." 

 

"How about red for Daphne's dress?" Jennifer threw out. Justin nodded his head and thumbed through a copy of the magazine where he had seen a strapless dress in a style he loved. Sketching it out on a napkin he added a shawl made of the same silk used for the dress and added flowers for Daphne's hair. On another napkin he sketched Thea in a similar dress with spaghetti straps and a jacket instead of a shawl. All the women oohed and ahhed over the drawings and Justin agreed he would scan them and send them to Brian later that night. 

 

Justin spoke with his mother regarding the flowers and decided on using fire and ice roses for the ceremony and small fish bowls as the centerpieces at the reception with Japanese fighting fish (betas) in them. He laughed to himself at what Brian would say about having fish at his reception. After another hour of preparations he went home to phone Daphne and Julie to discuss the dresses. He also needed to get those pictures to Brian and phone him to get his input on their tuxes. 

 

As he listened to the phone ring, he thought about how everything seemed to be falling into place. When Brian eventually answered, Justin could tell he was busy and decided to make the call short. 

 

"Hey Bri, I just needed to talk to you about some things for the ceremony and about the dresses. I emailed you the pictures but I am also going to fax them over as well. You should be getting them tonight. I need your input on the tuxes and where we should get them and if we should rent or not. I know you're busy so I'm not going to keep you." 

 

"Slow down Sunshine. I'm not so busy that I can't talk to you for a minute." Brian looked around his office at the pile of paperwork and the two assistants helping him, and motioned for them to take a pile and go outside to wait for him. Once they were gone he sank into his chair and breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay, so what is this about dresses? You found dresses already?" 

 

”Yep, red ones at that. They should be in your inbox by now." 

 

"Red? Okay, now what about tuxes, have you picked those out as well? And of course we're buying, I don't rent anything that is going to be that close to my dick, baby. Speaking of dicks, I miss the taste of yours in my mouth." 

 

"Stop, you're at work. I saw some Armani tuxes that were right up your alley online this morning, black of course. I figured we could wear red vests to coordinate with the women. I am ordering the flowers in the morning, fire and ice roses for the ceremony." 

 

"What about the centerpieces for the reception?" 

 

"I was thinking of something a little different." 

 

"How different?" he asked not amused. 

 

"Ummm, well I was thinking of putting fish on each table." 

 

"Won't that make the place smell like pussy?" 

 

"Not dead fish, asshole, live ones. Betas to be exact." 

 

"And who's bright idea was that?" 

 

"Your son's. Gus was showing me the new fishy his mommy got him and telling me all about him when he asked if Strawberry could be in the wedding too. What was I supposed to say?" 

 

Brian laughed out loud at the thought of Justin trying to say no to Gus. "How about, no fucking way kid? You couldn't say that? Have I taught you nothing?" 

 

"Brian stop it. I'm going to go now so you can get back to business, call me later when you're done. I love you." 

 

"I love you too. Later," Brian hung up the phone and collected his thoughts before going out to finish with this paperwork so he could go home for the night. Justin busied himself with trying to find somewhere to host a wedding on such short notice. After an hour of looking through the phone book and another spent online he had narrowed his choices down to three and needed to find out if any were available on the dates they needed. Then he would email the information to Brian for his approval before booking the place. When he was done, he settled on the couch to watch TV and fell asleep with a half eaten pizza remaining on the coffee table. 

 

He was awakened by the buzzer and groggily went to answer it, letting in the delivery boy. He was still half asleep and shaking the cobwebs out of his head when he opened the door to find a young man holding the largest delivery of flowers he had ever seen. Giving the boy a huge tip for making so many trips up and down to bring them all in. He opened the card and read the words he knew were from Brian without having to see his signature.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sunshine

 

A rose for every day I have known and loved you. That would make...........Can you guess???????? 962 days.....or two years and 34 weeks...I love you.....FOREVER.... 

 

Brian

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I opened my email to not only find the pictures of the dresses Justin sent but also a new pic of him. He was sitting on the black chaise in the loft and smiling the most incredible smile. He took my breath away and I immediately printed it out to keep on my desk. I missed having him close, kissing him, loving him, and most of all I just plain missed him. Trying to calm myself I sent him a brief email to let him know I loved the dresses and to thank him for his hard work.

 

Getting out of my chair, I gathered my briefcase and coat and went home to an empty apartment. This wasn't home, home was where ever Justin was, I said out loud to myself as I fell asleep at the desk staring at his picture.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"You're late and you missed a session," Joshua fumed when Justin finally walked in the door twenty-five minutes late. "You have to be on time Justin, this is not for me, it's to help you. You can't just miss a session, it throws your recovery completely off course."

 

"Fuck the recovery, I'm getting married," Justin beamed as Joshua tried to hide his shock by hugging his patient and congratulating him. 

 

"When did this happen?" 

 

"Last week. I flew to Japan to see Brian, and I asked him to marry me. He said YES, so I'm busy planning the wedding. I may have to miss a few more sessions but I'm sure you understand that this is much more important." 

 

Joshua rolled his eyes and plastered a smile to his face, his plan had backfired and he had to figure out a new way to get Justin into bed. A plan began to form in his devious mind as he sat down to massage Justin's hand.


	12. I Want You to Know

Joshua was still holding Justin's hand, under the pretense of a massage and let himself imagine being with him. His determination to have him was stronger than ever and he had to find a way to make Justin see that they would be so good together. He was getting sick of hearing the blonde go on and on about his marriage to Brian. Didn't he realize that Brian wasn't good enough for him? 

 

"Joshua? Joshua?" Justin was trying to get his therapists attention for five minutes before he finally answered. 

 

"Yes?" 

 

"Where were you? I was calling you for awhile." 

 

Joshua smiled slightly before answering, "I was just thinking about this guy I have a crush on. Not that he even knows I'm alive, he has this boyfriend who treats him like shit, but he still loves him." 

 

"Hmmm, well sometimes love is too powerful to deny. Maybe you should try to find someone who isn't involved." Justin had a feeling he knew exactly who Joshua was talking about and was doing everything to discourage him. 

 

"And sometimes people think they're in love when they aren't." 

 

Justin stayed silent finishing their session in that same silence. He left the hospital and met his mother at the diner for a wedding planning dinner. When he walked in he found his mother surrounded by his friends. Kissing her on the cheek he said hi to everyone. 

 

"Hey guys, what's going on?" 

 

Emmett was the first to stand, kissing Justin before sitting back down next to Ted, "We just thought we would come help you guys out. That way we feel like we're part of the ceremony. Besides we love your mom, she's so cool." 

 

Justin watched his mother blush and laughed, "That's great Em." Turning to his mother he asked, "So were any of the places available for that weekend, mom?" 

 

"Honey, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but no, none were available." 

 

"Fuck," Justin looked at his mom sheepishly, "sorry mom. Now where am I supposed to hold a wedding?" 

 

Emmett and Ted looked at each other, both with a gleam in their eye and it was Emmett who spoke, "How about Liberty Avenue?" 

 

"You can't be serious, you can't have a wedding in the street." Jennifer was watching her son as she spoke, knowing that look on his face. 

 

"We could close the road down, and I could walk down the street just like the night we met. Brian could walk out of Babylon and we could meet under the streetlight again. It's perfect. Thank you guys." 

 

"Now you just have to convince Brian," Ted threw in. Jennifer and Emmett both shot him a dirty look as Justin slid out of the booth. "Where are you going Sunshine?" 

 

"I have to go call Brian, let him know where we're we'll be getting hitched," Justin called out as he walked out the door. Ted turned to Emmett and Jen, and all three laughed, "I'm sure he'll just die," Emmett deadpanned.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"You don't seriously expect me to get married on Liberty Avenue do you?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing, Justin must have hit his head if he thought I was going to go for this.

 

"Why not? It's perfect Brian, back to where it all began. Why shouldn't the King of Gay PA be married in the public square for all his kingdom to see?" 

 

"Flattery will get you nowhere, young man. I can't believe you are even pitching this to me." 

 

Justin got angry. I hated when he got pissed at me. "I am NOT some fucking assistant to you and this is not some pitch. THIS IS OUR WEDDING AND I WANT TO GET MARRIED ON LIBERTY AVENUE." 

 

"Quit the drama princess routine, Justin, it doesn't work for you. What is the real reason you chose this location?" I waited for him to answer, quickly losing my patience with him. 

 

"Everything else was booked. When Emmett suggested this, it sounded perfect. Me under the streetlight, you coming out of Babylon, us meeting under that light, so romantic." 

 

"And all my old tricks in mourning. Is this really what you want?" 

 

"Yes," he said suddenly quiet. I don't know what came over me but I gave in. 

 

"It's going to take a lot of work, and money. But money I have. Go for it baby, make this the wedding of your dreams." 

 

"And your nightmares," he teased. We spoke for a while longer before hanging up. I missed him more after every call and my drinking got heavier after each one as well. I wanted to be home with him, helping him plan this wedding. He would probably fall over and die if he heard me say that, but it was true.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Brian hadn't heard from Justin in days and was getting worried. He phoned Jennifer's looking for him and getting no answer there he decided to try the diner.

 

"Liberty Diner, home of the homo wedding," Debbie answered the phone. 

 

"Hey Deb, I'm looking for my fiancée. Is he around there by chance?" Brian felt weird calling Justin that. 

 

"Hey Mr. Big Shot, how the hell is Japan? Your bride is here, busy planning this wedding of yours. When are you coming home?" 

 

"Debbie as much as I love shooting the shit with you, this is costing me a fortune, and in case you haven't noticed, I have a wedding to pay for. SO could you put Justin on the phone?" 

 

"Sure thing your majesty," Debbie held the phone out and yelled, "SUNSHINE, YOUR KING IS ON THE PHONE AND HE'S IN A MOOD." 

 

Justin rushed to the phone, "Hey Brian, what's wrong?" 

 

"I'm in Japan and you're in PA isn't that enough?" 

 

"I know, but just think in two weeks you'll be home, having your final fitting, HERE, and then we'll be getting married." 

 

"Sounds great baby. I just miss you. I wish I was there to help you plan all of this." 

 

"You just show up and I'll be happy. Thea and Julie will be here next week, Gus is getting so excited. We ordered the fish and decided on the floor plan for the reception today. It's getting busy around here." 

 

"Well don't work too hard. I love you Justin." 

 

"I love you too Brian. See you soon." 

 

"Yeah, soon." 

 

Two weeks passed quickly and Justin was anticipating Brian's arrival the next day when fate decided to throw them a curve ball. He was sitting at the desk finalizing the plans with the minister when Brian called. 

 

"Hey baby, ready to come home?" 

 

"Justin, I'm not coming home tonight." 

 

"What do you mean you're not coming home tonight? You have your final fitting tomorrow and we're supposed to meet with the minister, whom you've never met." 

 

"I can't, I have to finish this deal first. I have no choice baby." 

 

"Damn you Brian, don't do this to me now. I need you here. I need you. Can't it wait til after the wedding?" 

 

"No it can't, I'm sorry. If I don't do this now I may not have a job to come back to. I love you." 

 

"Whatever, call me when you know you'll be in," Justin hung up the phone and cried. 

 

The next day Brian called his lover to try to calm him down, but didn't get an answer. Justin was meeting with the minister finalizing the plans for the ceremony. 

 

"Justin, so good to see you." 

 

"Hi Reverend Morano, it's good to see you too." 

 

"Where is your partner? I thought I was finally going to meet the elusive Brian today." 

 

"You were supposed to but he can't seem to tear himself away from business yet," Justin said with tears in his eyes. The minister hugged him close before sitting down across from him. 

 

"Justin, sometimes reality doesn't really follow our plans." 

 

"I know, but we're getting married in four days and he isn't even in the same country as me. I'm getting nervous that he isn't going to show up for the wedding. What if he's changed his mind?" 

 

"Justin, from everything you've told me about your Mr. Kinney, I find it hard to believe he has changed his mind, he loves you very much. You just need to remind yourself that he has a career that is important to him but that you are equally as important. Let's switch gears for a moment and go over a few details of the ceremony." 

 

"Fine, would you like me to fill you in on how it is supposed to go?" 

 

"That would be great then we can go over my part of it." 

 

Justin smiled brilliantly as he spoke of the ceremony he had so lovingly planned. "As the guests arrive and take their seats, which will be set up along Liberty Avenue light jazz will be playing. There will also be places along the street for people to stand to watch the ceremony since I'm sure that half of Gay PA will show after the wedding announcement is run today. Michael and Lindsay will make their entrance first and take their places on Brian's side, then Daphne, followed by Gus and Thea. Then the first strands of Jewel's Kiss the Flame will be our cue to start our procession. We will come from different directions and meet under the street light, where there will be a sound system set up so that everyone can hear us profess our love.We're writing our own vows for the ceremony, after the service we'll all pile into Babylon for the reception." 

 

"Sounds like you have it all planned down to the last second. Good for you. Now I will say a few words about love and how sometimes it leads us down different paths and then I'll turn to you both and ask you if you are committed to one another. Once you have answered affirmatively I'll move on to discussing the importance of support in a marriage and will ask those gathered if they will support your marriage and love. After that it will be time for your vows, which will be followed by a few more words from me then the 'kiss'. I took the liberty of faxing Mr. Kinney a copy of the ceremony when I gave you yours so there should be no surprises for him." 

 

Justin sat and nodded as he looked over the outline once again. Satisfied that everything was in order, he went home to call Brian to see if he would be home in time for the rehearsal. He tried phoning him at home and the office and got no answer at both, so he gave up and left a message on his cell to call as soon as possible.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I called him back a day later to tell him more bad news. I hated to keep disappointing him, but if I planned to make the wedding at all I had to stay.

 

"Hey Sunshine." 

 

"Hey," I heard the sadness in his voice and I knew it was my fault. 

 

"Baby, don't be mad at me, I'm doing my best." 

 

"Yeah, what's wrong now?" 

 

"I won't be able to make the rehearsal, I have to get this project done or I won't even make the wedding. As of now my plane leaves here the night before which will put me in Pitts with an hour to spare." 

 

"Brian if you miss the plane, you miss the wedding. I can't handle this, I need you here. I've done this whole fucking wedding by myself, I NEED YOU BRIAN." I could hear him crying softly and my heart broke to know I had caused him such pain. 

 

"Justin I won't miss the wedding I swear. You have to just hold on another day and then I'll be all yours for a whole month. I have our whole honeymoon planned. I love you." 

 

"I know. I just want you here now. Go back to work so that you're done in time and I'll see you Saturday." 

 

"Justin, I love you," I repeated myself again. 

 

"I love you too Brian." 

 

I hung up and stared at the phone not realizing that I was crying until my tears blurred the words of my wedding vows.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Saturday dawned bright and clear and the forecast was for a warm evening in the mid 60s. Justin had a leisurely breakfast and met with Daphne and his mother. Thea and Julie were meeting them at Lindsay's around noon. The wedding was set to take place that evening at 6pm. Justin was just sitting down to have an early lunch at his mother's when he got a delivery. Opening the package he found a beautiful silver bracelet, inside inscribed with FOREVER. He smiled as he fingered the lettering and tried to call his lover. Getting no answer he got nervous and phoned Michael to see if he had heard anything from Brian today. Michael gave him the answer he had dreaded. No one had heard from Brian at all in the last two days. No one even knew if he had made his flight or if he would show for the wedding.

 

Four hours later Justin was down on Liberty Avenue checking on the last minute preparations. The road would be shut down at five, the chairs would be set up immediately along with the barricades, and the guests were set to arrive at 5:30. Everything was falling into place, now if only the other groom would show up. 

 

The time neared for the wedding to begin and still no one had heard from Brian. Justin was getting more and more nervous as the wedding party began their walk to the makeshift alter. As the first strands of Kiss the Flame began, Justin began his walk to meet his lover. He listened to the words of the song as he made his way back to where it all began. All eyes were on the door of Babylon as everyone, including Justin waited to see if Brian would show.

 

"Kiss the Flame" by Jewel from the Album SPIRIT

Please love let's make no impartial vow  
Let all fall away  
That's not crucial now  
I want a brave love, one that makes me weak in the knees  
I want a crazy, crazy love  
One that makes me come undone at the seams

'Cause I'm tired of all these pilgrims, these puritans, these thieves  
Of all these unbelievers who whittle love down at the knees  
Let these swift roads destroy themselves  
Let the world fall into its sleep  
For we shall be spared

We shall be left standing  
To face what's left of concrete and honey

(Chorus)  
Kiss the flame  
Let's run with the hunted, the untamed  
Kiss the flame  
Embrace the faceless, the unnamed  
Kiss the flame

There are nightmares on the sidewalks  
There are jokes on TV  
There are people selling thoughtlessness  
With such casualty  
But wherefore art thou Romeo  
Where have all the brave men gone  
Show me one man who knows his own heart  
To him I shall belong

Kiss the flame  
Let's run with the hunted, the untamed  
Kiss the flame  
Embrace the faceless, the unnamed  
Kiss the Flame  
Kiss the Flame  
Kiss the Flame  
Please love let's make no impartial vow.


	13. I Want You to Know

I pulled open the back door to Babylon with just seconds to spare. Luckily I was dressed and didn't have to get ready in the backroom. I looked around knowing that this would be my last time in here a free man. I swear I could hear the room crying. As I stood reminiscing about the times I brought Justin back here I heard the strains of the song begin and knew he would be waiting for me. I ran to the front of the club, stopping long enough to make sure I was all buttoned and pulled open the doors. 

 

Every eye in Pittsburgh was on me as I stepped out onto the street, but the only person I saw was Justin. Standing under the soft glow of that streetlight, I was transported back to that night years ago when he came into my life. Little did I know we would be standing here getting married someday. If anyone had told me that then I would have asked them what the fuck they were smoking cause there was no way that Brian Kinney would get married. I stopped and stared at him, he took my breath away. 

 

Unaware of anyone else, I slowly made my way over to him. I smiled at Lindsay and Thea, hugged Michael and Gus and kissed Daphne's cheek before I turned to Justin. As I took his hand in mine I felt such a rush of love for him, as his smile that lit up my soul. As the Reverend began to speak, I realized I was staring at my love with a stupid grin on my face.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Friends, we are gathered here on this special evening to celebrate a love that was meant to be, the love between Justin Taylor and Brian Kinney. It has taken a lot for these two to get here today, they have traveled many uncharted roads to arrive at this their final destination. As much as love has brought them together, love is not always kind. Love takes patience and hard work. It takes a commitment to make a marriage a successful partnership. Brian and Justin have pledged their commitment to each other and to a lifetime of togetherness. It is our job as their friends and family to support their union and help them to work through any hard times that come their way. Without support, love can falter, but when it is present love will bloom and flourish for eternity. I ask all of you here tonight, will you support the love these two souls share and will you help them maintain the love in their relationship?"

 

"We will," the crowd responded. 

 

Reverend Morano turned to Brian, smiling at him, "So I finally meet the ever elusive Brian Kinney. Brian the road you've traveled to be here today has been bumpy and full of pain, but you have arrived at a fork in your road. You have the choice to continue on the rough road as an individual or travel a road paved with love. You have chosen to let love into your heart, and have opened yourself to Justin. In doing so you invited love into your life, and it is my wish that you forever be filled with that love. Now if you would turn to Justin and proclaim your love for him." 

 

"Where do I begin? I thought I had this all figured out, and I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to say to you. Now I'm standing here and words escape me. You are more beautiful than anything I could imagine and my heart is full of love at this moment. Seeing you standing here under this light, a place that is very special to me because it is where you first came into my life made me realize just how lucky I am to have found you. Your love has given me more than I ever deserved and I stand in awe at the love I have for you at this instant. You have helped me open my heart to love and given me a reason to believe in it. You're that reason Sunshine, and I love you. I love you more than I ever thought possible; more than anyone here thought possible. I promise you a lifetime full of love and joy, laughter, and happiness, I can't promise you that there will never be pain, because I'm only human and I know I will fuck up from time to time, but we've learned to overcome anything. If you are willing to accept me, then I am willing to spend the rest of our lives together; forever." 

 

Reverend Morano turned to Justin and smiled at the young man who was fighting back tears, "Justin, you've just heard your partner profess his love for you in front of your family and friends. Now it is your turn to choose the road of love. May you forever be filled with the love you have today. Please turn to Brian and profess your love for him." 

 

"Damn you Brian, you just had to go and make me cry. I love you. But you and the rest of the world already knows that. The night I met you, I knew you were the one for me. I always knew you were my forever. As I thought about what I wanted to say, a poem kept popping up in my thoughts and I think it sums up my feelings about us. So in the words of Paul McCartney: here goes. 

 

'It was written that I would love you  
From the moment I opened my eyes  
And the morning when I first saw you  
Gave me life under Calico Skies  
I will hold you for as long as you like  
I'll hold you for the rest of my life

Always looking for ways to love you  
Never failing to fight at your side  
While the angels of love protect us  
From the innermost secrets we hide  
I'll hold you for as long as you like  
I'll hold you for the rest of my life

Long live all of us crazy soldiers  
Who were born under calico skies  
May we never be called to handle  
All the weapons of war we despise  
I'll hold you for as long as you like  
I'll hold you for the rest of my life  
I'll hold you for as long as you like  
I'll love you for the rest of my ...  
For the rest of my life.' 

 

"We have struggled and fought to get here today, but here we are. We are standing on our spot strong and in love. I told you once before and I'll tell you again, I'm forever baby. I love you." 

 

Reverend Morano watched the two men, who had eyes only for each other and smiled softly to herself, "Now if you'll face me. As much as you have professed your love for one another, I wish to remind you that marriage and commitment is not something to be entered into lightly or without warning. It's my job to warn you that life will throw you curves and knock you down occasionally. It is up to you to remain strong and true to your bond, to your love for one another. And if a time should come that one or both of you falter, then you must remember that a large part of love is forgiveness. Take that to heart and keep it close, it just may save you someday." The witnesses laughed knowing that these two needed that advice more than most. As the reverend continued, many in the crowd shed tears of joy for the two men standing before them. 

 

"Brian, Justin, your love is strong; a bond that will keep you close for many years to come, but you must encourage that love and let it grow. What you two have is something that most never find, a love that can withstand even the worst of times. Together you have survived hate, intolerance, unacceptance and those that have wished to tear apart the very foundation of your love. Together you can survive anything thrown at you if you remember that it was your love that brought you here today. With that said, I turn to you their friends and ask, Is there anyone here who knows just reason why these two should not spend their lives together--- FOREVER?" 

 

Joshua stood to speak and Melanie, who was seated near him stood and escorted him out before he was able to protest. As she led him by his ear she told him in no uncertain terms that he was not welcome here. "You will not ruin this for them. They both deserve to be happy, and if you ever tell anyone I said that I'll kill you myself." 

 

As she made her way back to her seat she smiled at her partner and listened as the minister finished the ceremony. " Since it appears that no one objects, I now have the pleasure of presenting you to your friends and family as a united force. " Brian interrupted her, "Hey Rev aren't you forgetting something important?" 

 

"No Brian I was just getting to that, Brian and Justin now that you have sealed your love with pledges to each other, you may now seal your life and promises with a kiss. Knock 'em dead boys." Liberty Avenue erupted in applause as the two men before them sealed their union. "May I present Brian and Justin Taylor-Kinney."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I picked Justin up and carried him back towards Babylon and our reception. I kissed him as I walked and told him how much I loved him. He laughed at me and when I raised an eyebrow at his laughter he almost fell out of my arms from laughing so hard.

 

"Just what are you finding so funny Mr. Taylor-Kinney?" 

 

"YOU! I can't believe how happy you are, and I should beat the fuck out of you for making me think you weren't going to show up." 

 

"How could you think I would stand you up? Don't you know how much I love you Sunshine?" 

 

"I do now. Okay we're inside, you can put me down now." He was squirming trying to get down. I knew that we needed to join our receiving line but I had other ideas. I carried him past everyone who had gathered inside and took the stairs down to the backroom. Once inside I locked the door behind me before setting him on his feet. 

 

Laughing he asked, "Just what are you doing?" 

 

I looked at him with such love, knowing that he loves me just as much. I pulled him close and whispered in his ear, "I thought that now that we were married I could have one last fling in the backroom of Babylon. And I couldn't think of anyone better to have it with. I love you Justin." 

 

"I love you too Brian." I kissed him, pulling him even closer to me, my tongue seeking out his. I moaned into the kiss and could feel his cock straining beneath his pants and reached out to free it. Taking him in my hands I stroked him, using his precum as lubricant. His breathing was labored and I knew he was close. Turning him around I unzipped my own pants and freed my own throbbing cock. He turned to look at me with such love in his eyes and I knew then that no matter what, I would always be in love with him. I pushed the head of my dick against his hole and held my breath as I pushed into him unsheathed for the first time ever. As I moved against him, I whispered in his ear my love for him over and over. It was only after we had both came and I had pulled out of him that he realized I hadn't used a condom. 

 

"Brian?" he looked at me questioningly and I reassured him. 

 

"I got tested when we first got back together and you are the only one I have been with since. I just got my second test results back yesterday and I'm negative. I love you, you're the only one I want Justin." 

 

"Do you know what this means?" 

 

"Yeah, it means it's just you and me forever baby. Just the way I want it." 

 

"Well there's no turning back now." He reached up and kissed my lips and took my hand leading me back out to the waiting crowd. As we took our places in the receiving line I could see the knowing looks in our friends' eyes. They all knew what had been going on in the backroom, but what they didn't know was just what it had meant.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Brian and Justin were still in the receiving line when they were greeted by a long line of young men dressed in black. Justin laughed out loud as he looked at Brian, "Friends of yours?" he asked his partner.

 

"Looks like they're in mourning. Must be all my old tricks. How did they all know?" 

 

One of the tricks held out the wedding announcement that had run in the local gay rag. Brian read it out loud to the wedding party.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

King of Gay PA takes a Bride.

 

The miracle has occurred and you are all invited. Brian Andrew Kinney will take the young blonde twink Justin Nicholas Taylor as his bride on Saturday the Seventeenth of May 2003. This is a definite must see and if you were ever lucky enough to have enjoyed either Mr. Kinney or his bride Mr. Taylor then you know that more than just a few tears will be shed with these two off the market.

Mr. Kinney an ad exec by day is the basis for RAGE the Gay Crusader. He is currently residing in Japan and keeping a close eye on his partner.

Mr. Taylor is the former King Of Babylon and is the artist behind Rage and the basis for JT, Rage's love interest. He currently resides here in Pittsburgh.

So mark your calendars boys, and come witness the event of the century.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The entire wedding party burst out laughing and Brian turned back to greet the mourners. An hour later all the tricks had made their way through the line and Justin and Brian finally got to mingle with their guests. Lindsay and Melanie kissed each man on the cheek and wished them well. Brian pulled Lindsay aside and spoke with her about the surprise he had planned for Justin. As he spoke, Jennifer made her way over to her son and hugged him tightly as she let the tears fall.

 

"That was so beautiful Justin. I'm so happy for you; both of you." 

 

Brian came over and interrupted, "Justin can you come with me for a moment, I have something for you." He led Justin out to the dance floor and left him standing there as he took the stage. Tapping the mic to make sure it was on he got everyone's attention. 

 

"Hey, out there. Hi, remember me, I'm the groom. I have a little something for my partner. Justin baby, I love you. This is for you. Ladies and Gentlemen, Lindsay Peterson-Marcus." 

 

Brian took his spot in front of Justin as Lindsay began to sing the words that he had written. As he led Justin in a dance around the floor, Justin listened as he was twirled. 

 

He looked at Brian with tears in his eyes and asked, "You wrote that? For me?" 

 

"Yes, I did. It's titled Teach Me to Love." He pulled out a sheet of music from his jacket and handed it to Justin who read the words intently before kissing him. 

 

'From the moment I first laid eyes on you  
I knew you were the one  
The one to capture my heart  
To teach me to love

I poured myself into you  
and gave you all you desired  
When you walked away  
Inside I slowly died

From the moment I first laid eyes on you  
I knew you were the one  
The one to capture my heart  
To teach me to love

The night I opened my door to find you there  
tears in your eyes  
my heart ached for you  
I longed to take away the pain  
to be your everything

From the moment I first laid eyes on you  
I knew you were the one  
The one to capture my heart  
To teach me to love

Tonight I make you mine  
I take your heart and give mine in return  
Tonight I let you in  
and learn to love

From the moment I first laid eyes on you  
I knew you were the one  
The one to capture my heart  
To teach me to love' 

 

The party lasted until the wee hours of the morning when Justin couldn't wait any longer and whispered to his partner, "Take me home and fuck me."


	14. I Want You to Know

Brian and Justin stumbled out of the club both slightly intoxicated and more than a little drunk on love. As they piled into the limo and started to pull away, Michael, Emmett and Ted called out "What about us?" 

 

Brian shot back the only thing he could think of "Get a ride with Ted". They pulled away as the boys called out "ASSHOLE". As they drove the short distance to the loft, Brian assaulted Justin's lips with his and held him on his lap causing the younger man's cock to swell with anticipation. When the car pulled up into the front of the buliding Brian stepped out, holding out a hand for Justin and they both ran for the door, neither man wanting to draw this out. Not wanting to wait on the elevator they took the stairs two at a time, both men out of breath by the time they reached the top floor. Brian pulled out his keys and fumbled with the lock while kissing his partner. Picking him up Brian carried him in the loft and reached back to shut the door. He carried him up the stairs and laid him down on a rose petal covered bed. Both men smiled as they looked around the room at the candles burning and the flowers everywhere. For the first time they noticed that the song Brian had written was playing softly in the background on a continous loop. Lindsay's voice was soft and gentle as she sang the words of love and Justin sighed. 

 

"Looks like our friends wanted us to have a special night." Justin stared into his lover's deep hazel eyes, lost in them. 

 

"I'll have to remember to thank them sometime," Brian added as he pulled his jacket off and untied his tie. Justin reached up and began to unbutton Brian's shirt, pulling it off of him and throwing it on the floor. He left a trail of hot kisses as he moved towards his lover's pants, unbuttoning them and pushing them down to reveal a throbbing cock. Taking the member into his mouth he began to lap at the precum that was already dripping from his lover's slit. Taking the member deep into his mouth he licked the veins that ran the length of the shaft until the head was resting against the back of his throat and with that his partner came hard down his throat.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I couldn't believe how good he felt, how right this felt, to with him on our wedding night. I never thought that I could ever be this happy. When he took my cock in his mouth, his tongue running along the underside, it was too much and I came with a shuddering force that left me weak in the knees. After recovering a few minutes I tugged at his shirt, freeing it from his pants. I ripped it open, buttons falling to the floor noisily. He laughed at my impatience until I covered his mouth with mine again. He tasted salty sweet and I wanted to feel him beneath me. I wanted to feel his legs wrapped around me as I pumped into him furiously until we both found the satisfaction we craved. I pulled him beneath me, pulling at the button on his pants, finally freeing him from the confines. His cock immediatly free, I took it in my hands, stroking him as I prepared his hole for my cock. Wasting no time I pressed the head of my cock against his tight pucker, he shifted beneath me to give me better access. Making love to Justin without the barrier between us was mind blowing. To feel his body contract around my bare cock was almost too much for me and I thrust harder until we both fell back to the bed exhausted. We slept with our bodies wrapped around each other, legs entwined, his head on my chest, my arms wrapped around him.

 

We woke to heavenly smells emanating from the kitchen. Getting up to investigate, I pulled on a silk robe and stopped to piss on the way downstairs. I found my kitchen turned into the most beautiful setting, the table covered in a white silk tablecloth, candles burning, brunch spread out on the counter for us. The food consisted of bagels, and cream cheese, eggs, bacon, small quiches, sausage, cereal, fruit and coffee and juice. Justin whistled as he came up behind me, wrapping his arms around me. He picked up the card reading it aloud. 

 

"Happy first day of marriage, to help keep up your strength. EAT. Love your family." 

 

"Well that was thoughtful of them." 

 

I turned to face him a smile on my face and laughingly said, "Yeah especially the part where they left without waking us." He hit me and I laughed harder at him. We both grabbed a plateful of food and headed back to bed. I fed him strawberries and licked cream cheese off of his cock before making love to him again. After our third lovemaking session that day I glanced at the clock and pulled him towards the shower. 

 

"Come on Sunshine, we have a plane to catch soon." As I was washing his back he began to question where I was taking him. 

 

"Come on Brian, just a little hint. PLEASE." 

 

"Now you sound like a little kid," I teased. 

 

"Does this look like the cock of a little kid?" he threw back at me. I shook my head, admitting that his ten inch cock was by no means a little kid's. 

 

"Ok I'll give you a hint, they have great food." 

 

"That is no hint, I want to know. Either tell me or I'll withhold sex." 

 

"As if you could resist me, but just in case you're serious, here's another hint, I love their food and eat it all the time." 

 

"I got it, you're taking me to the Liberty Diner." 

 

Looking at him with a raised eyebrow I questioned his sanity at that moment, "I said I love their food, not that their food would kill you. I love you Justin but sometimes your just so damn young." 

 

"Hey I thought you loved my youth." 

 

"Oh baby I do, no doubt about that but listen we don't have time for this, we have a plane to catch. With all this damn security nowadays you have to be there at least three hours early for an overseas flight. Let's go. Get dressed baby." 

 

I threw him a towel and rummaged through my suitcase for something comfortable to wear on the long flight. Pulling out a pair of sweats and an old t-shirt Justin looked at me like he had never seen me before as I pulled them on. 

 

"You're not seriously going to wear those are you?" 

 

"Yes, it's a long flight and I plan to be comfortable. I'll carry something decent in my carryon to change into once we land. I suggest you do the same. We'll be on that plane a long time. Now hurry the fuck up before we miss our flight." 

 

After leaving a note for Michael I carried our luggage downstairs as we waited for our cab.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After a long flight, which they both slept mostly through, still exhausted from the night before, they landed in Thailand. Justin had been so excited when he learned where they were going. He had always wanted to visit Thailand ever since he was a little boy and his father had told him about the time he spent there in the early '60s when he was in the army. By the time they reached their hotel Brian needed a drink in the worst way. Once checked in Justin opted for a shower while Brian poured himself a double, downing it in one swallow and pouring another. By the time Justin finished his shower Brian had consumed half the bottle and was on his way to finishing it. Chalking it up to the stress of the wedding and the long flight, Justin overlooked it and sat down on the bed to go through the guidebook that was in their room as Brian slept it off.

 

Later that evening when Brian had sobered up and showered they decided to grab a quick dinner and then walk around the open air markets looking for gifts for their wedding party. After a quick meal at the hotel restaurant they headed to the top of Surawong Road to look for something for Lindsay and Daphne. Justin had heard from the concierge about this tie-dyed silk, known as Mat Mee that was found traditionally in the Northeast section of Bangkok. He had been advised to go straight to Jim Thompson's shop for the best silk around. After buying a shawl for Lindsay and a scarf for Daphne, Justin found a shirt that would be perfect for Melanie and convinced Brian to buy it. 

 

Once done at the silk shop Justin wanted to check out the Laquerware that the locals he had spoken to in the restaurant had raved about. He found a beautiful bamboo bowl that had been intricatly hand painted gold on black for his mother and a tray done in yellow and green on a red background for the loft. He spent another few hours browsing and buying a few boxes for Ted and Emmett. Justin was watching as Brian continuously stepped away to have a drink in a bar or from a street vendor. Deciding it was best to save the rest of his shopping for a later day he arranged for the packages to be shipped back to the states and grabbed Brian's hand leading him towards the canals. They walked around the canals taking in all the boats that came and went, Justin deciding that they would take the tours tomorrow morning. Brian bent to kiss him and Justin pulled back, first from the smell of liquor on his breath and second because public displays of affection were frowned upon in this culture. 

 

Brian shook his head angrily at his lover and walked away leaving him standing alone. Justin let him go and made his way back to the hotel by himself. When he walked in he found Brian with a drink in his hand and shook his head. 

 

"What the fuck is your problem Sunshine?" Brian slurred. 

 

"You're drunk. This is supposed to be our honeymoon, a time for us to just be alone and be in love. All you've done since we arrived is drink." 

 

Brian let the anger he felt consume him and lashed out, "and all you've done is spend my money." 

 

"Brian can we not fight? This is our honeymoon for goodness sakes." 

 

Brian pulled Justin onto his lap, kissing him hard, "I'm sorry Sunshine. I promise, no more drinking. Tomorrow we'll go see all the sights and be complete tourists, then I'll bring you back here and fuck you until you can't walk." 

 

"Mmmmmm sounds like a good day." Justin kissed his partner back and pulled his shirt over his head, licking his nipples before sucking them. Brian shifted him on his lap so that he could caress his cock through his pants. Unzipping them, he pulled the engorged member out, caressing it slowly until it leaked precum. Picking up his partner Brian carried him to the bed, pulling off his pants as he laid him on the bed. Lying down on top of his lover, Brian covered his body with his own, their cocks touching. Both were lost in the heat of the moment as Brian pulled Justin's legs over his shoulder and prepared his hole for him. Pushing deep into Justin Brian let out a loud groan as he felt Justin tighten around him. Justin moved first, grinding his hips against Brian's cock. Brian grabbed his lover's hips and took control, thrusting deep into him. Hitting against his prostate, Brian waited as Justin cried out in pleasure. When he felt the stickiness against his stomach, Brian let himself fall over the edge and came with a loud scream.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I woke before Justin and snuck a drink before he woke. I was just finishing up in the shower when he joined me, luckily I had chosen vodka so he couldn't smell or taste it on my lips. He pushed me up against the wall of the shower and pushed into me hard. It wasn't often I let Justin fuck me, but this time I was willing to give him whatever he wanted. I lost myself in the feeling of him inside me. He was a considerate lover and knew exactly how to please me. After we cleaned up, I stepped out to brush my teeth and shave as he finished washing his hair. We eventually made our way downstairs to have a light breakfast of fruit and juice. When he excused himself to use the bathroom, I pulled the silver flask out of my pocket and took a long drink. My hands had stopped shaking by the time he got back and my mood had improved greatly.

 

We spent the day wandering around Bangkok. Justin wanted to spend countless hours touring all the historical sites. We spent two hours at the Temple of the Emerald Budha. Justin was enthralled with the artistic beauty of this place and I was just happy to watch him show such excitement. We had to remove our shoes and dress properly to go into any temple and I had to restrain myself from touching him and kissing him. It was hard to get used to a culture that didn't show much affection openly. 

 

We moved onto Wat Pho, the Temple of the Reclining Buddha, which houses a giant gold-plated Reclining Buddha some 46 meters long and 15 meters high , and is inlaid with mother-of-peral soles. Justin sat for hours sketching it and as he did I wandered around outside until I found a secluded place to smoke and sneak a drink. By the time Justin was finished with his sketch I was on my way to being drunk. Thankfully he was too busy talking about where he wanted to go next. I convinced him he needed to see the rest of Wat Pho before we left and I led him toward the Gallery of Buddhas in Wat Pho. As he wandered through I looked through his sketch book and marveled at how he had captured the intricate details of the red roofs and beautiful builidings that housed the Reclining Buddha. 

 

Justin was complaining he was starving and I needed another drink so we opted to have lunch before continuing our sightseeing mission. After lunch I convinced him to go back to the hotel for an afternoon of lovemaking. We made love until the early hours of the morning and Justin had just fallen asleep when my cell phone rang. Answering it quickly so as not to wake him, I looked at a sleeping Justin as I listened to the voice on the other end. 

 

When Justin finally woke the next morning I was still sitting on the edge of the bed trying to figure out how I was going to tell him I had to go back to Japan today. I pulled him close to me and made love to him one more time before I broke the news. I lay holding him, sharing a cigarette, "Justin, baby, I have to tell you something." 

 

"What baby?" he asked me so innocently. He probably thought I was going to tell him where I wanted to go today. It was so hard for me to tell him the truth. 

 

"I have to leave today." 

 

"What do you mean you have to leave today? Where are you going?" 

 

"I have to go back to Tokyo. There is a major problem with a campaign and I have to fix it." 

 

"Brian, we're on our honeymoon. You promised me that it would just be you and me for a month. Can't someone else fix it?" 

 

He looked so sad it broke my heart to have to leave him. "No Justin, no one else can fix it. This is my baby and if I don't go fix it then I won't have a job to go back to. And without a job, how will we live? Justin I have to do this. Please understand." 

 

"I don't understand, Brian. We just got married, we're on our honeymoon, how can you just walk out of here and go back to Japan? We've only been here four days now. Brian I don't want to go home, not without you. We need this time to be together. We just got married." 

 

"Justin please don't do this. I have to go, you know that. I want to be able to stay here with you, but I have to go. It's important." 

 

He looked at me with such anger and hurt shining in his eyes that I almost died knowing I had caused him such pain again. "More important than me." He said it so matter of factly that I didn't know what to say.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Justin stormed into the loft alone again and looked around at the home that never quite felt like home. He was still pissed that Brian had left him alone in Thailand and he had spent the rest of their honeymoon alone, doing everything he had wanted to do and spending obscene amounts of Brian's money. It still wasn't enough to dull the pain he felt and he was thinking of Brian when Julie called to break his heart even more. 


End file.
